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Eternity

Icouldn’t stop crying. I knew I needed to calm down. Everybody kept telling me to breathe, but every time I tried, all I could think about was me having to get an emergency C-section. They pushed me down a hallway beneath lights so bright that I had to close my eyes.

“Where’s my husband?” I asked one of the nurses.

“He’s coming.”

“I need Malik with me!” I yelled.

“He’ll be with you as soon as we’re ready for him.”

That wasn’t good enough. I wanted him right then. I wanted his hand in mine. I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay, even if neither one of us knew whether that was true.

Most of all, I wanted my baby.

“Please,” I whispered. “Please don’t let anything happen to my son.”

I couldn’t lose another one. The nurse walking beside me looked down.

“We’re going to take good care of both of you.”

I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do. Everybody kept telling me they were going to take care of us, but nobody could tell me that my baby was okay. That was the only thing I wanted to hear.

The operating room was colder than I expected. There were people everywhere, all of them doing something that seemed important. They introduced themselves, but I couldn’t hold on to a single name. I answered questions when they asked them and followed instructions because I knew I had to, but inside my head, I was somewhere else. I was thinking about my son’s room at home. The little clothes folded in his drawers. I was thinking of the Christmas tree we had left glowing in the living room. A few hours ago, my biggest concern had been everybody making a mess of my house and Sha eating up all the food.

Now I would’ve given anything to be back there. I wanted Malik fussing at me for doing too much. I wanted Maliah and MJ arguing. I wanted normal. Honestly, anything but this exact moment would have done. By the time they finished getting me ready, tears were sliding silently down the sides of my face. Then I heard his voice.

“Eternity.”

I turned my head so fast I almost hurt myself. Malik rolled into the room in his wheelchair, wearing the scrubs they had given him to wear for the surgery. The second he got close enough, I reached for him.

“Come here.”

He took my hand.

“I’m right here.”

That was all it took for me to start crying harder.

“What if he’s not okay?”

“Baby…”

“What if something happened because I waited too long?” I cut him off. “I should’ve known. I was hurting before my water even broke.”

“Eternity, stop.”

He tightened his hand around mine.

“We ain’t doing that to you. You told me when something didn’t feel right, and we brought you straight here. You ain’t do nothing wrong.”

I closed my eyes to take in his words. When I opened my eyes, he was looking at me. He was trying so hard to hold it together for me, but I knew Malik too well. His jaw was tight, and his eyes were glossy.

“I’m fucking scared,” I said lowly, “Are you scared too?”

He looked away for a second before looking back at me.

“I’m scared as fuck.”