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Lee looked my way.
Cassian did too. “What’d she say? That was Cole.” At Lee’s look, he grinned. “I told you. I can tell when she’s talking to you.”
Lee’s shoulders rose and lowered, silently. “She said it’s beautiful.”
Cassian frowned, his eyebrows dipping down. “But not for you?”
Lee hesitated again, his eyes flicking my way before his shoulders dropped. “She sees the good.”
My heart sank. I moved toward him, reaching out. My hand touched his arm. “You don’t see what I see?”
He shook his head, leaning closer to me. “I see all of it. There’s bad stuff out there. It’s beautiful to you because that’s what you are. That’s the lens that you’re looking through. You are beautiful so that’s what you see. You’re good, so that’s what you see. I—” He cut himself off before saying quickly, “I don’t see what you see.”
He broke away, moving at a fast pace toward the football field.
Cassian moved so he was next to me, watching Lee as well. I didn’t know if he knew I was there or he guessed or maybe his soul sensed me without him being aware of it, but when he spoke, it was under his breath as if it were meant just for the two of us. “He doesn’t think he’s good.”
The same information was sitting heavily with me.
Cassian turned and stared at me, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “He needs you too.”
I stayed behind, watching as Cassian headed off after Lee. The others had begun to follow as well. Shelton first. Beatrice. Benji shared a look with Noah, who moved to stand beside me. He was third.
Noah remained. “He doesn’t think he deserves you or Cassian’s friendship. He lets his friends come to his house, play his video games, eat his food, because in his head he’s giving to them. It’s why they want to be around him. Maybe that’s the truth. I don’t think it completely is for some of the assholes like Nimrod. He seems genuine, but it was me for him. I was his best friend. Cassian stepped up when I died. Cassian’s only good, which fucks with Lee’s head sometimes. He doesn’t think he gets to have a friend like that. Then you came along. He fell for you the second he saw you. It was like he saw heaven. It wasn’t that. Not really. He was just able to sense that you were like him, but if there’s two sides of a coin. Yin and yang. It’s you and him. In his head, he’s the bad and you’re the good, but he can’t let you go.”
A protest tore through me, at the thought of Lee letting me go.
“He’s trying to convince himself that he should, but we both know that’s bullshit. You and him are two sides of the same coin, but it’s not that he’s bad and you’re good. You’re just one side and he’s the other. There’s no bad or good. Light or dark. He leans more seeing the bad because he’s a fucking necromancer. He commands death. There’s a lot of bad things on the other side who want free rein on this side, and Lee can stop them. It’s why I was so pissed at the hospital. He needs you. You make him stronger. Better. Healthier. And it’s not just you, because you’re still connected to this spirit side too. Cassian anchors both of you. He’s the golden retriever of humans. You need him, and Lee needs him. Cassian grounds you and Lee can feel that through you. He’s further grounded. Do you understand me? You need Lee. Your abilities are growing. You need both of them.”
I was starting to get pissed off. “You keep acting as if I’m not choosing Lee.”
“You told Lee that you love Cassian.”
“Yes. I realized it at that moment and I wanted Cassian to know, but it’s not cut and dried. And frankly, Noah, I’m done with your relationship superiority. You are not the end-all and be-all for our relationship.”
He bristled. “What are you saying?”
“Anything that happens in the bedroom, none of your fucking business.” Shouting started from the football field. I needed to get over there.
Noah called after me, “So what does that mean? You’re still choosing Lee?”
I broke out into a run but held up three fingers for him as I did. I yelled back, “Read between the two fingers.”
“Are you giving me the middle finger?” He began laughing. “You might think that would offend me, but it doesn’t. Just so you know.” He poofed so he was running next to me. “I feel like now we’re best friends.”
“I’m going to hurt you. When I get back in my body, I’m coming after you.”
“You can do less to me that way.” He barked out a laugh before disappearing.
35
LEE
Cole didn’t want me to rip this ghost apart. She hadn’t said those words, but I knew what was in her heart. All good. I felt it every day I was around her, every moment she breathed. She exhaled it when she slept beside me and I’d become addicted. She’d been in my life for less than a week, but she was mine. She was a part of me. She was only good and love and the light side of the world.
I was beyond addicted.
She was a lifeline at this point, but this fucking ghost violated Cole. Now she was at the end of the football field, parading my girlfriend’s body in front of a bunch of other ghosts and spirits. They were clapping. Smiling.
