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Darcy could not see Richard’s face, but his cousin’s silence spoke volumes. He decided to try another tack.

“And look what she has done since she has been with me!—the townhouse models, the wax tablets. She has even begun to learn mathematical notation! I could not find a better wife if I searched the world!”

Richard grunted in reluctant agreement.

“Plus, she is beautiful! What more could I want?”

“You know my father is going to ask about the dowry, Darcy.”

“Richard, if you do not help me, we will just have to be secretly engaged until I am thirty or else I will have to take her to Gretna Green!”

“Gretna Green! In your condition!” scoffed Richard.

“Actually, that would be rather funny,” said Darcy, a small smile playing about his lips. “I might be the first blind cripple to convince a lady to elope with him.”

Richard snorted with mirth but remained silent.

Frustrated by his inability to see the expression on his cousin’s face, Darcy pleaded, “Please, Richard. It is only half a joke. I cannot really afford to wait another year and a half to marry. There are rumours circulating about Miss Elizabeth and me in Hertfordshire. I haven’t yet told you about my stay at Netherfield, but I fell off the balcony with Miss Elizabeth and there was talk that I was trysting with her at the time.”

“Ah! So, Finn has told you about the rumours, has he? And Miss Gardiner is this same lady you fell off the balcony with?” asked Richard.

“Of course! I sent Finn to Hertfordshire to establish if there were any truth to the rumours.”

“And he told you that your old friend Mr Wickham has been the one blackening your name there?”

“Yes, damn him! So, you see it is important that I marry Miss Elizabeth soon!”

“I don’t see anything of the sort, but if you are truly fixed on this lady, I will do what I can to help you. In the meantime, I have got rid of Wickham.”

“What? You have not done anything unsavoury have you?”

“I’ve crimped him. As we speak, he is on a ship bound for the Americas. I gave him two hundred pounds and told him that if he dared set foot in England again, I would slice his throat from ear to ear.”

“Richard! You go too far! The fellow is a blackguard and a damned nuisance, but he is my father’s godson.”

“Which is why I did it without consulting you. You’ll thank me one day. Now, how about I arrange for that carriage?”

Darcy reluctantly conceded he would be willing to leave the house once Mr Gardiner arrived home from work. He had yet to tell his host of his successful session in the adapted rowing machine and wished to praise him for his ingenuity.

As soon as Richard had gone downstairs, Darcy immediately realised that his valet was implicated in Wickham’s deportation and called Finn to account for himself.

“Oh dear, sir,” said Finn, wishing the colonel had kept his counsel. “I knew you would not like it, but I acted upon the colonel’s advice. I met him by chance in St Albans on my way back to London on Monday. I was so worried about what Mr Wickham was doing in Hertfordshire that I told him the whole. He sent me off to arrange Mr Wickham’s abduction, or crimping, or whatever he calls it. I am not sure if it is a noun or a verb!”

“Finn! I am most vexed! I cannot approve of this! Are you my valet or my cousin’s? You were to listen but not interfere!”

“Indeed, sir. I remember your instructions, but I cannot be sorry. I do wish that the colonel had kept quiet, but there was something more that I did not tell you, not wishing to upset you, nor did I divulge it to the colonel.”

“Out with it, Finn.”

“Sir, after visiting the Bennets, Mrs Bennet insisted that I also visit her sister in Meryton, a Mrs Philips. She is the wife of a well-to-do country attorney. While I find both of the sisters a little vulgar, they have excellent taste in furniture.”

Darcy raised his eyebrows.

“I beg your pardon, sir. I should not have said that,” apologised Finn.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “When I was coming away from Mrs Philips’, I happened to spy Mr Wickham in an alleyway with a lady. I immediately recognised the lady as the youngest Bennet sister. Sir, you would not have approved of his behaviour. He was way too close, and I believe he might have even been kissing her just before I happened upon them.”

Listening to Finn’s story and remembering Georgie’s near miss, Darcy quietly seethed.