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Anna looks down. “She was so happy to see you. I’ve never seen Charlotte get that excited over someone before,” she says slowly. “I shouldn’t have said that stuff to you. I’m sorry.”
“No, you had a point. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. My own wasn’t the best role model, either...” I look into her soft eyes, wishing I could curl up and stay there. “But Charlotte doesn’t deserve a dad like me. We both know that.”
“And what about me?” she asks.
“Nothing wrong with you. You’re a perfect mom.”
She tilts her head. “I don’t mean that. I mean, don’t I deserve you?”
I sigh. “In my humble opinion, I don’t deserve you.” She smiles and I kiss her forehead. “Anna, you can stay for as long as you want, but we both know…”
I let the rest fall away.
We both know you have a life to get back to.
An important job. Family and friends. A daughter.
I promised her I wasn’t going to destroy her life. I’m going to keep that.
Anna leans forward and kisses me. Her lips feel different than they did last night. Before, they felt new and full of possibility.
Now, they feel like a goodbye.
I close my eyes, taking sensory snapshots of this moment. Her warm, pliable lips. Her thigh gently sliding along mine. The light graze of her breasts on my chest. The warm twitch in my nose as I inhale her natural scent.
Anna motherfucking Silva.
She puts her feet on the floor and stands up, signaling the beginning of the end. I get up with her, testing the pain in my body, but it’s not nearly as bad as last night. My ankle is still sore but nothing I can’t walk on.
Anna gathers her clothes, slowly dressing piece-by-piece. With each article she slips on, I picture myself taking it right back off again. It’s all I want to do. Grab her. Undress her. Fuck her. But that wouldn’t be right. I can’t keep pretending that I have a place in her life.
I step into a pair of jeans and grab a white shirt from my dresser. When I look over at her again, she’s gathering her wild, unkempt hair behind her head. She pulls it back into a tight ponytail. She leans over to fasten her gun holster to her ankle. She clips her badge to her belt. Costume complete.
I follow her to the door and she turns back, looking up at me with those burning, beautiful eyes.
“I’ll see you later, Jake,” she says.
Fuck. Don’t let her leave yet.
I kiss her, slowly sliding my hands around her back. She doesn’t resist it, clinging to my shirt. I breathe her in, fighting against logic to justify another ten more seconds of her.
We break away slowly. I kiss her cheek.
“I’ll see you later, Anna,” I say, neither of us brave enough to say goodbye.
Anna smiles and opens the door.
I close my eyes, too chicken-shit to actually watch it close again.
On the bright side, we got one night. I spent one blissful night with the mother of my daughter. No baggage. No mob bullshit. Just Anna and I acting on the urges we had since the beginning.
It’s time to go. Again. It’ll be more difficult getting out of the city, but not impossible.
I search my closet for a second bag. I left my last one at the train station, meaning the identity I created is now useless. No time to create another one, so I’ll just have to improvise and—
A knock echoes through the apartment. I smile at the light rapping behind me. Instantly betraying the logic I fought so hard to obey before.
Just one more kiss, I tell myself. Maybe Anna told herself that, too.