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Sinner’s Brand

Page 116

by Delta James

Out on the porch, Knox's boots cross the boards, heavy on the heels so I'll always know it's him. They stop beside the door, and the boards creak as he sits down against the wall and sets his hat beside him.

I lie down on top of the quilt, still in his flannel, with my burned hand on my chest. I don't expect to sleep.

When I open my eyes, the window has gone gray.

I get up, unbolt the door, and open it.

Knox is sitting on the porch floor with his back against the wall beside my door, right where he sat my first morning here. His eyes are red-rimmed, and he's still in last night's bloody shirt. The rifle leans against the wall within reach of his hand.

He stays where he is. He picks his hat up off the boards and turns it slowly in his hands.

"It's tomorrow," he says. "Last night you told me you wanted all of it. Sit down or don't. I'm going to tell you how your daddy's marker got to Whitlock, starting with the morning I put my initials on it."

20

KNOX

She sits down at the far end of the top step, out of my reach, and props her bandaged hand on her knee. I stay where I am against the wall beside her door, and I start with the Sunday morning when I sold her daddy's marker.

She doesn't look at me. She looks at the yard, gray and wet in the first light, and she listens.

I set my hat on the boards beside the rifle and keep my hands on my knees.

"Ozzie was at my desk, sorting Saturday's take into stacks," I tell her. "Your daddy's marker was on top of the pile, because nobody figured he'd ever pay it. I was standing over the desk eating eggs out of the skillet. I told him Whitlock buys bad paper and to sell it to Whitlock. Then I initialed the line in his book with the pen in one hand and the fork still in the other. When he handed me the card, I initialed the back of that too."

The sun clears the cedar along the back pasture. She doesn't move.

"I never asked what a deacon wanted with his own preacher's debt. I didn't care. I wanted it off my books."

"You didn't know what he'd do with it," she says to the yard.

"No. I made sure I never found out. That's on me, the same as if I'd known."

She clenches her teeth and waits for the rest.

"You've heard most of the year already," I say. "The honky-tonk lots I searched from here to Kerrville, your daddy's kitchen table, Whitlock's china cup, Harlan on my porch steps. Here's what I left out. I slammed my door on Jesse and Beckett every time either one of them said your name, because I couldn't stand to hear what I was afraid of. I knew Whitlock held your daddy's paper. I figured it might be how he made the preacher do what he wanted. I couldn't prove it, so I never said it out loud. That whole year, I never pulled Ozzie's book, because I didn't want to see my initials next to your daddy's name."

She turns her head then and looks at me for the first time.

"And when I came back?"

That's the part she wants. It's the part I can't hang on Ozzie or Harlan or anybody but me.

"I knew what I'd sold every day you were on this place. The night you drew Whitlock's brand on my arm, I could have told you, and I didn't. I had Ozzie pull the book. Beckett read the line in my office and told me to tell you or he would. In the church lot, you told me your daddy called Whitlock and Whitlock held his marker. After that I didn't have to guess what the sale had done."

"You still didn't tell me."

"No. First I told myself you'd just come out of a cellar. Then I told myself I needed the page in my hand. Then I had it, and I still didn't tell you." I don't look away from her. "None of that was why. I figured the day you knew, you'd leave. I wanted you on this place more than I wanted you to have the truth."

She stares at me. Her eyes have gone wet, and she doesn't let them spill.

"The sale I can understand," she says. "You were a man running a ring with somebody else's bad debt on your books, and you didn't think about who it would hurt. The other part I can't get past. I slept in your bed with that ledger locked in your gun safe."

"I know."

"You don't get to know. You get to hear it." Her voice shakes, and she lets it. "I let you tie me down and give me orders, the one thing those men forced on me in that cellar, and the whole time you knew."

I take that. I don't have a defense, and I don't try to make one.