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“Partly because of you. I love you. I’m not going to pretend you have nothing to do with the life I want.” I reached for his hand. “But you need to understand this. If you told me right now that you didn’t want me, I’d be devastated.” My fingers closed around his. “But I still wouldn’t take that job.”
His eyes came back to mine.
“That’s how I know I’m not giving something up for you. I’m choosing for me. For us.”
I stared at this enormous man who had apparently spent the last two days preparing to lose me by making absolutely certain I would be safe, fed, and able to get wherever I chose to go. “You were going to let me leave.”
His throat moved before he answered. “If that’s what you wanted.”
“Even though it wasn’t what you wanted.”
He didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to.
I stepped closer. “You weren’t even going to ask me to stay.”
This time his gaze met mine and held. “No.”
“Why?”
There was no hesitation in his answer. “Wouldn’t be fair.”
My eyes burned. Barrett had thrown himself between me and a plant that could burn through his skin. He’d walked into a cave that had rearranged reality around him because he believed I needed what was on the other side.
But he hadn’t asked me to sacrifice something I wanted for him.
I closed the remaining distance between us. “Nobody has ever done that for me.”
His brow furrowed. “Packed food?”
A laugh broke through the pressure in my throat. “No, you enormous muppet.” I put both hands against his chest. “Put what I wanted ahead of what they wanted.”
Barrett looked down at me, and for once, he had nothing to say.
“I read the journal this morning.” I curled my fingers into the fabric of his shirt. “Properly. All of it, not just the parts I could publish.”
His hand hovered near my waist, as though he still wasn’t certain he was allowed to touch me.
“There’s a page with my name on it. Grandma pressed a flower next to it, the year I was born. She wrote about Grandpa asleep in the sun and the primrose by the porch he told her was a weed.” I smiled. “She wasn’t cataloging plants, Barrett. She never had been.”
Barrett’s hands finally settled at my waist.
“She was cataloging a life,” I said softly.
“And the plant in the cave?”
“Stays there.”
His expression sharpened.
“I’m not publishing the location. I’m not taking a specimen. I’m not giving the university anything that could lead someone to it.”
“Your grant—”
“I’ll report the other findings. There are enough legitimate discoveries from the survey to justify the work. But that cavern stays out of it.”
He studied my face. “Because of me?”
“You’re part of it.” I caught his wrists as his hands started to loosen. “Don’t. Don’t turn that into me sacrificing something for you. I’m protecting you because I love you. I’m protecting the plant because it’s the right thing to do. And I’m staying because this is where I want to be.”
