Page 19

I turned to look at the former Isador Blood one by one. They met my gaze without looking away but shadows flickered through them. Shades of sadness, grief, and even anger. “What happened?”

“It was one of the few trips they made together with all of us in attendance,” Lew replied. “Selena and the rest of us were already here, waiting on your mother and Thierry to join us. She never said where they’d been or why. But they made a great show of being seen out and about the city, very much as you did tonight.”

“1903,” Guillaume murmured, shaking his head. “That’s the year Desideria died.”

Lew nodded, his jaw flexing. “News broke that the Queen of Constantinople was dead. The sisters had words, though none of us were privy to that conversation. Your mother insisted the garden party continue as planned. It was important, she said. It was expected. To skip our tradition would only be suspicious.”

Garden party sounded so innocent and sweet. Lew had told me enough about my mother’s parties to know exactly what those words meant.

Bloody sex outside under the full moon. Wallowing in blood, drunk on the flow of magic in the air. We’d only had one so-called garden party, but it’d quickly gotten out of hand. I’d been worried I might seriously injure one of my Blood that night.

“Things did get out of hand, even more so than usual.” Lew’s lips twisted in a grimace. “Again, we didn’t know the scope of her game, though we could certainly guess our queen had been the one to kill Desideria. But how? Why? What was her plan? We had no idea. Tensions were high, especially after the queens fought. Maybe your mother was still feeling a surge or recoil of power after the kill. Remorse. I really don’t know. But she lost control of her cobra.”

I shuddered, dread churning in my stomach. Yeah. My greatest fear for sure. When I was shifted into the cobra queen, I didn’t think with any kind of empathy or love. It was all cold, hard logic, mostly driven by animal instinct.

Specifically, hunger.

“Selena shifted to help us control the cobra,” Khalid whispered. “She hated to shift. I don’t think she ever forgave your mother.”

My throat ached. “Why?”

“Selena’s gift was Ammit,” Lew replied.

Oh. Fuck. No wonder she hated to shift if the Devourer was her form. I’d only shifted to the crocodile-lion-hippopotamus monster once—to eat Ra’s mortal heart. She was made up of the three most feared predators of the Nile and devoured the sinners’ hearts judged too heavy by Ma’at. All those crocodile teeth…

Dread flashed through me in snippets. Remembering the feeling of Ra’s meaty heart in my gullet. The sharp flash of crocodile teeth. My fear of Greyson and his terrible teeth. The dream where I bit Nevarre—before he even came to me—with teeth like a crocodile.

Even then, I’d feared those teeth. Not even knowing why.

“I’d really really really like to not shift tonight. Especially to Ammit.”

Rik lightly pressed his fingers into the small of my back. “Understood, my queen. We’ll do our best to distract you if need be.”

I let out my breath in a long sigh, releasing as much dread and emotion as possible. Then I tipped my wrist to let my blood fall as I moved my hand into the protective blood circle.

Red flared in the night, a brilliant fiery glow that pulsed and danced with joy at even one drop of Isador blood. Esetta’s face filled my mind. So like mine but carved from cold, calm creamy-mocha marble. Refined by centuries of power, smooth and perfectly ageless. Her indigo eyes sparkled with a million stars, her hair a velvet cape around her shoulders. I could smell her smoky blue lotus and blowing sands.

Mom—Selena—the woman who raised me. I felt her arms around me, her sweet vanilla filling my nose. Her hair was curlier and shorter than Esetta’s, her eyes darker like mine. Her face less reserved and controlled. Perhaps it was hearing their Bloods’ story or simply being older and knowing what to look for. Her eyes were shadowed with grief, her mouth tight. As if she fought to keep the truth buried inside her.

I wished I knew her better. The real Selena. Not the woman pretending to be a human who’d never told me anything about our true history.

I treasured every memory of Mom. I loved her. She’d made sure I knew she loved me too. But it’d been a hard and lonely childhood.

When you’re a kid, you don’t know it’s supposed to be any different. You think the way you were raised was normal. Until you’re older and you learn exactly how terrible your childhood really was. Growing up in a dark room at the top of the house without a single window, because I was so scared of the monsters. Never going anywhere except school, and then not even there in the end.

I had no one to talk to but Mom, and now, more than five years since her death, I can barely remember a single thing she ever told me. We didn’t have long mother-daughter talks. We’d never giggled about boys or watched television shows together. We never went shopping together. It was too dangerous to be out for long. After Dad died… There hadn’t been any laughter or joy left in her heart. Or so I thought.

Maybe it’d been so much more than losing him. Maybe it was me. All along. What I represented.

The monsters never stalked them until I came to live with them. She’d been free of the pressures of the crown and life as an Aima queen.

Free of Ammit. Free of Esetta’s centuries-long game.

Other faces flickered after Selena’s. Female queens of my line who’d also left their blood in this circle. I didn’t know their names, but I still carried their blood. I carried their hopes and dreams and powers forward through the centuries. For a moment, I felt their hands touching me. Fingers on my cheek. Scents filling my nose like a fresh bouquet of flowers and simmering spices. Silken lips brushing my forehead and the top of my head. So much love.

Someday, I would bring my daughters to this circle. I would watch them add their blood to the Isador dynasty of queens. Carrying forward all of our hopes and dreams for a better future. I would make sure they knew every single day how much I loved them. I would ensure their lives were bright and filled with joy and laughter. Not dark, shadowed, and hiding from the crocodile teeth and shadowy thralls outside our windows.

Even if I must personally kill every single thrall on this planet for all eternity.