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I sigh. ‘I did, actually. I hatched a plan to dethrone him as head of the debating society. I thought taking away something he loved would be the least I could do to exact revenge.’
Nathan looks worried. ‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing in the end. It was a half-baked plan and would have needed me to basically tell my story to the whole debating society which – surprise, surprise – I found myself unwilling to do. However, I did see a poster in the student union one day. I wouldn’t have noticed it had it not been printed on bright-orange A4, as it was pretty amateurish. But it was advertising a meeting for victims of sexual abuse and I decided to go. Do you know how many people turned up?’
‘No idea.’
‘The organiser had booked a small meeting room, and there were over twenty of us crammed in there. The following week, she got one of the larger rooms, and even more people turned up. In the end, there were more than fifty of us, including five men. Fifty students at one university, who’d all been assaulted or raped, and that’s just the ones who are prepared to admit it, so the real number must be much, much higher. That’s shocking, don’t you think? Anyway, it was the best thing I could have done. Hearing other people’s stories and sharing mine in that space helped me to realise that it wasn’t my fault, and I didn’t have to deal with it on my own. It was a game changer, and I stopped feeling ashamed and started to feel really fucking angry. That’s when I hatched my plan to dethrone Tim.’
‘What did the group make of that?’
‘A few people thought it was a mistake to deliberately provoke him, but others were very supportive. A couple of them even offered to join the debating society to support me, but we agreed that might look suspicious. In the end, I decided to try to move on and put it behind me.’
‘Did it work?’
I sigh. ‘Yes, and no. I’d say I’m 90 per cent healed. I generally don’t think about it and, as I said, the skills I learned in the debating society have definitely proved useful. I accepted that it wasn’t my fault, which was also good, and I’ve had a couple of relationships with guys. But there are still one or two very specific triggers that take me straight back to that night.’
‘Such as falling asleep on my sofa.’
‘Exactly. It’s the loss of control. The great irony of my life is that I have no problem sleeping with a man, but I can’t be asleep with a man.’
Nathan’s cheeks flush.
‘Sorry,’ I add. ‘Was that a bit crude?’
He looks at me and his eyes crinkle in amusement. ‘It was… direct,’ he admits. ‘But I can cope.’
‘Anyway, that’s why I freaked out this morning. I’m sorry.’
‘There’s nothing to apologise for.’
‘Thank you,’ I tell him after a short pause.
‘What for?’
‘I don’t know. For listening and understanding.’
‘I’m honoured that you felt you could trust me with it.’
‘It helped that you’d had some experience, although I’d never wish it on anyone. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I need something a little stronger than tea. I’ve still got half the bottle of white wine from last night. Would you like a glass?’
He smiles. ‘Absolutely, but can I make a suggestion?’
‘Go on.’
‘How about a change of scenery? I mean, the traffic fumes are lovely and everything, but apparently, there are some great bars along the seafront in Camps Bay where you can watch the sun go down. I’ll drive if you like.’
‘Sod that,’ I tell him. ‘We’ll get a taxi.’
* * *
‘This was a good idea,’ I say as we settle ourselves at an outdoor table overlooking the beach. The sun is just beginning to dip, casting a golden glow on the sea. This is obviously a place to be seen, as the promenade in front of us is busy with people dressed up for a night out. On the beach itself, a group of people are playing volleyball, the men wearing long swim shorts and the women in bikinis so skimpy, I’m surprised some of them don’t burst out. Further along and out of range of the players, people have spread out towels and sun loungers, eager to soak up the last of the day’s sun.
‘It’s one of the cool spots in Cape Town,’ Nathan informs me as he takes a mouthful of beer. ‘That makes it great for people watching, which is one of my favourite activities.’
‘Mine too,’ I agree. ‘Although, without getting into politics, it’s slightly unnerving that the people sunning themselves and sitting in the bars and restaurants are almost all white, while the people serving drinks and so on are generally black. I guess I expected more equity given the country’s history.’
‘It is improving. Any company with more than fifty employees has to ensure that they reflect the national demographic in their staffing.’