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‘What about your fella?’ she asks, oblivious of the effect that she’s had on me. ‘Does this kind of thing make him frisky as well?’

‘Oh, Nathan’s always in the mood,’ I tell her, grateful to let a very different, and surprisingly welcome, image shove her and Barry out of my head. ‘He can’t get enough of me.’

‘Lucky you, I’m sure,’ Mrs Barry says archly, and I have to suppress a laugh. Is she actually jealous of Nathan’s and my entirely fictitious sex life? ‘Well, enjoy it while you can. There’s nothing like children and a huge mortgage to kill that side of things stone dead, in my experience. That’s why holidays like this are so important. No kids, away from the pressures of everyday life.’ She sighs theatrically. ‘I remember when we were like you. Nothing was off the table, and I mean nothing, do you know what I mean?’

Dear God, does this woman have no filter? Naked Nathan is doing everything he can to keep her and Barry out of my mind, but I fear he’s fighting a losing battle. Barry is pushing his way back into my head, but this time, he’s wearing a leather mask and brandishing a bottle of baby oil. I don’t know what’s bothering me more now – the image itself or the fact that it was my mind that conjured it up.

Thankfully, the crew starts to bring the others back onboard before Mrs Barry can offer me any more unwanted insights into her and Barry’s love life. As he makes his way over to her, wetsuit straining hard across his belly, the images in my head start to multiply into a horrific sex-Barry collage. I’ve never been so grateful to see Nathan’s smiling face as he wrestles his arms out of the wetsuit and lowers it to his waist.

‘How was it?’ I ask him.

‘Absolutely incredible,’ he enthuses. ‘There’s a brutal, raw power that you just can’t appreciate until you’re up close to them. It makes you feel… Actually, I can’t describe how it makes you feel.’

‘Tasty? Succulent? Snack-like?’ I offer with a grin.

‘Very funny. No, it makes you realise your own insignificance and weakness. I’m not a religious person by any means, but I did find myself wondering how something so perfectly designed for its purpose could exist unless created by a divine hand.’

I can’t help myself; I start laughing.

‘What?’ Nathan asks, looking nonplussed. ‘What did I say?’

‘Nothing,’ I tell him. ‘It’s just I was chatting to Mrs Barry when you were down there. Apparently, experiences like this make him horny, but you’ve come back as some kind of philosopher. Thinking of which, there’s something you need to know.’

‘Go on.’

‘She thinks we’re a couple.’

His expression turns wary. ‘Why does she think that?’

‘She assumed and she’s not an easy woman to correct, so I decided it would be easier just to go along with it. It’s only for today, so I didn’t think there’d be any harm.’

He thinks for a moment. ‘I’m not sure you’ve thought this through.’

‘Why?’

He nods in their direction. ‘Because she’s watching us, and evidently expecting us to look more “couple-y” than we probably do.’

I glance surreptitiously at Mrs Barry. Nathan is right; although Barry is obviously giving her a blow-by-blow description of his time in the water, she’s clearly not listening to him as her gaze is fixed on us.

‘You’d better hug me,’ I tell him, remembering my earlier remarks about how physical our relationship is.

‘Are you sure? You’ll get sopping wet.’

‘I think it probably serves me right,’ I say as we wrap our arms around each other. He’s right; I shiver as the cold water from his wetsuit penetrates my T-shirt and bikini top. It’s only when I notice that the sensation is limited to my chest that I realise we’re not convincing at all.

‘Umm, Nathan?’ I murmur in his ear, trying to make it look like I’m whispering sweet nothings.

‘Yes?’

‘This is an A-frame hug. The type friends give each other. We need to, you know…’

I can feel his mouth turning up in a smile. ‘I’m not sure I do, no,’ he whispers.

‘Put your hands on my bum and pull me into you,’ I instruct.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Just do it.’