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“I’m back,” she announces. “The drinks here are fantastic. Don’t you worry, I’m not getting day drunk every day.”
“I’m glad you’re having a good time. Listen, I’m actually sort of in the middle of something, so I can’t talk long.” I feel horrible for lying, but something about my mom’s easy attitude is bothering me today. Maybe it’s the fact that absolutely nothing feels easy in my life right now.
“What are you in the middle of?” I can hear her slurp her drink through the phone.
“I’m running errands for this massive event that I’m planning. It’s someone’s funeral. Well, to be honest, it’s more of an end-of-life celebration sort of thing. But there’s so much to do, and I’m overthinking every decision, and I worry I won’t do a good job. But they all trust me with this, and it’s just a lot with everything else that’s been going on.”
I take a deep breath. I didn’t mean to share so much.
“You’ll be good at it. You’ve always loved planning. Even as a kid, you’d plan the most elaborate birthday parties.”
I laugh. “Yes, that was before the crippling anxiety of adulthood set in.”
“If they trust you with it, then trust yourself. What else has been going on?”
“Oh.” I hesitate for a moment. “Well, you know, I meant doing the event in addition to my regular work responsibilities. It’s a lot.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and all I can hear is the pop music in the distance. It’s quieter than before, so she must have moved to a better spot.
“Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
“Yes, that and some little life things. But mostly the event.”
I’m a terrible liar, but my mom is usually so preoccupied that she can’t tell. I don’t want to tell her about the eviction. As someone who travels for most of the year, I doubt my mom would even understand why it’s so upsetting to me. She’d probably assume I’m complaining about the inconvenience of it all, but I fear she couldn’t fathom my attachment to my current home. In my head I can hear her voice telling me that it’s “just a house” and to not get too attached to a building.
“Well, you are smart and capable, and I’m sure you’ll figure it all out and plan an excellent event. Maybe after that is all over you can go on a little vacation?” She sounds so hopeful.
“Maybe. I’ll have to see. Are you enjoying the cruise?” I’m desperate to change the subject now.
“It’s wonderful. I’ve met this couple from Florida, and they are just the loveliest people. They used to perform in a circus. Can you believe that?”
“That’s very cool, Mom.” Her genuine excitement does lift my mood a little.
We chat for a few more minutes, and I get stories of all the people she’s befriended on the boat, which seems to be almost everyone.
“I have to hang up soon,” she says after a few minutes. “But I want you to know that you can do anything, and that no matter how stressful things get, you always figure it out. I’m very proud of you.”
The sincerity in her voice, combined with how emotional I feel today, brings tears to my eyes. I quickly blink them away.
“Thank you.” I try to sound steady. “That means a lot.”
We say our goodbyes, and I feel a bit lighter after we hang up.
“Oh shit, what happened?” Kora’s eyes are full of concern as she looks me up and down.
I rushed to Bean Me Up the second I hung up the phone. As much as I like to think I can do everything by myself, I desperately need to vent to my friend.
“The mayor is a dick, I’m about to be homeless, and Hayden abandoned me,” I confess. “Oh, and my mom just gave me a good pep talk.”
“Alright,” she says and moves around the counter. “I’m going to take a short break and we’re going to sit and talk things through.” She yells at her coworker to let her know she’ll be gone for a few minutes, and we make our way toward my favorite seat in the corner.
“It’s all too much. I still haven’t made a single decision about this damn funeral, nor can I commit to any of these horrendous apartments.”
“And Hayden is not helping you anymore?” She frowns. “I thought he was keen on being part of it.”
I laugh humorlessly. “Yep, but he got bored real quick.”
“Well, you don’t need him. You have me. I have plans with my parents tonight, but I’m off tomorrow, and we can figure out some details.” She reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Everything will be okay. Don’t get me wrong, this sucks, but I know you can do it.”