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I caught Becka’s eye to make sure she was okay with that. She raised her eyebrows at me and shrugged nonchalantly, but her cheeks were flushed a pretty shade of pink.
“Text me,” I said meaningfully, before turning and leaving with Jihoon.
We were driven back to his house. It was dark and quiet, and the air seemed to almost vibrate with the absence of noise and bustle.
“God, that feels nice,” I groaned once I’d kicked off my shoes in the entryway.
Jihoon hummed his agreement, toeing off his own shoes, before pulling me into a tight hug. He leaned his head in the crook of my neck, breathing deeply. I raised my arms around him, running my hand through his soft black hair.
“You okay?” I murmured.
It was a few moments before he answered, and when he did, his voice was low, rough like the words had gotten caught on the way out.
“I’m scared of what comes next,” he admitted. “The world knows who you are, and now that the tour is over, I’m scared I won’t be able to protect you.”
My heart squeezed, and I tightened my arms around him. “Oh, Joon,” I sighed. “Trust me to protect myself.”
I knew that neither of us was talking about crowds at airports, or people chasing us with cameras. What Jihoon was afraid of was something less easy to define. Less easy to run from.
“Trust me to be able to deal with what the world wants to think about me. Or us. Let them believe what they want. They don’t get to have all of us.”
“I don’t care what the world thinks, jagiya,” he said, pulling back to look into my eyes. “I only care that it will be too much for you to bear.”
He’d always believed that he was a burden to carry. That being with him came with a price. And maybe it did, but when the trade-off was having him, there was no price too high.
“Because if I could have anything in the world, I would choose you. Every time. Without you, Kaiya, I have nothing.”
“Joon,” I protested softly, clucking my tongue. “That’s not true–”
He cut me off, shaking his head. “No, jagiya, let me say this. Yes, my life is… big,” he said after a moment’s struggle to find an adequate word. “But it will shrink, eventually. The tours, the albums. It all has an end date. I want more. I want a life. I want you. I should not have to give up one to have the other.”
“No, you shouldn’t,” I agreed, brushing my fingers through his hair, feeling my chin tremble ever so slightly.
“Right from the start, you saw who I was and asked for nothing except who I am. Jagiya–Kaiya, you loved me with no conditions. Now I am scared you will see that this life is not worth it. But I need you, Kaiya. I need you.” His voice wavered, and that alone nearly broke me.
He was exhausted. I could see it in every line of his face, and in the way he held himself, even as strong as he was. He was not a person who shared what he considered to be weakness, but here, with me, he let me see every dark circle, the slump of his shoulders and let me feel the way he leaned against me, ever so slightly.
I held his gaze. Really let him see me as I said, “Baek Jihoon, you listen to me. Every minute, every decision, it led me right to you. Being so stubborn that I chose the wrong career just to take an underpaid internship in another country. Every mile, every mistake, everything we did, or didn’t do. Doesn’t matter. Even the heartbreak, and the way it played out the first time. Everything happened for a reason.”
His chin trembled, but I carried on. “Joon, I followed you around the world. You think I wouldn’t follow you into one where people maybe aren’t kind to us? Screw them. We’ll make a world of our own.”
And right there. The way he looked at me? I wished I could pause time to keep it.
I reached up my hands to cradle his face as though I could hold the expression for a little while longer.
Because this was just for us.
The rest of the world could wait.
Epilogue
December 10th
Igrunted, hefting the plastic tub in my arms up higher, trying to rebalance it as I walked across the hall. I was so focused on not dropping it that I didn’t see the box in my path until my foot snagged on it.
“Oh shi–”
I went down, and so did the tub. It made an almighty noise, not unlike that of a car crashing into a wall, followed by cables skittering across the wooden floor. I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in my knees.
