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Staff assigned to artist-facing projects are not permitted unsupervised access to the group members under any circumstances. Direct contact information will not be provided. Personal interaction outside of scheduled, supervised activities is strictly prohibited. Staff must not initiate communication, approach artists without prior approval, or engage in any behaviour that could be perceived as overly familiar.
Blimey. Basically, don’t look, don’t touch.
Seeing it in writing reminded me of the last conversation I’d had with Director Kang. I’d had to ask the question. I didn’t have the privilege to be ambiguous about it.
“Will they be told that I’m going to be on the tour?”
“The members will be provided a pack of names and job titles for the people they may interact with, including the film and media crew.”
“So, that’s a yes.”
“Eventually.”
“That might present some… complications.”
“You, and the members will be there to work, Miss Thompson. Nothing else. Can we agree on that?”
“Of course.”
The message had been clear, even if brief. I’d wondered at the time if I should disclose the fact that at least two of the members had the means to contact me, but I’d bitten my tongue. Looking at this anti-fraternisation clause, I’d probably been right to assume it would jeopardise my offer.
Which is why it was especially funny when by the next morning, Seokmin had stepped right over the theoretical demarcation line and messaged me.
Kim Seokmin
Kaiya! Is it true? Are you coming on tour with us?
This time, I didn’t bother agonising about whether or not I should reply. Soon I would be shadowing the group as I followed them around the world.
Me
Yes! When did you find out?
Kim Seokmin
We found out this morning. Your name and photo was in the press file.
My photo? I frowned, and then grimaced as I realised it was probably my byline photo – a slightly cringey headshot that I’d posed for when I’d joined Frequency.
Kim Seokmin
When are you coming to Korea?
Me
Next month, just before the tour starts.
Kim Seokmin
So cool! We missed you!
I smiled, but didn’t respond, because while the sentiment was nice, ‘we’ was probably a stretch. Perhaps Seokmin had missed our friendship, maybe Sungmin had as well, but I doubted that Woojin or Minjae had any particular feelings towards me. I hoped for friendliness, but I would settle for mutual respect.
Jihoon… I was no clearer on my feelings for him than I had been in December. Somewhere there was a healthy middle ground to our relationship. I just had to find it, because at the moment, there was anger on one side and something far softer on the other. I needed to figure out how to live in the in-between, because for as long as I’d known him, it had only ever been one extreme to the next. The only time there had ever calm between us had been when we’d existed together. But we didn’t live in that world anymore. I needed to be a version of myself that could be in his world without losing myself in it.
Or to him.
I would find that version.
