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“Yes.”

Air whooshed out of me, and I tried to lessen my reaction, because it wasn’t like I’d stayed single the entire time. But… fuck.

Oh, fuck.

“We tried to make it work,” he went on, even though I hadn’t asked him to explain.

I had no right to.

“It felt like after everything, the only thing that might make it right was to try. Like it might make it worth the cost.” His voice broke, and still I didn’t look up.

I closed my eyes, and flashes of him kissing her lit up in my mind like the flash of paparazzi cameras – blinding me with each image.

It was worse because I knew exactly how he kissed. Where he liked to put his hands, the angle of his mouth, the press of his lips.

I felt sick, even as I felt like a hypocrite for every moment I’d spent in Patrick’s arms.

“Did it?” I asked, bringing my hand up to press the back of it against my mouth.

“You already know it didn’t. Nothing did.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, surprising myself with how much I meant the words. “You deserved to be happy.”

He let out a ragged sound and turned his body away, putting his hands on his hips.

“Did I?” he rasped. “Because it felt like I was in hell.”

“Joon, I…” I couldn’t find the words to give him that would have made a difference.

“I wanted that for you,” he said, not looking at me. “I wanted you to be happy more than anything. I thought that maybe if you – when you moved on, “he corrected with a wince so slight I almost missed it, “that maybe I could. So, when I saw you living your life, and you seemed happy, Hyejin and I…” he exhaled heavily. “It was not fair on her. I knew I could not be the boyfriend she deserved. It was almost a relief to go into the military.”

For a minute I absorbed this information, pressing a hand to my chest as I fought to remain still. My mind raced. I wanted to ask him just how deep his feelings had gone, while wrestling with the idea that maybe I should tell him about Patrick – if we were being honest with each other. But if I did, was I then admitting to myself that I wanted this – whatever the hell ‘this’ was – to go somewhere?

I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted immediately by the insistent noise of my phone ringing.

I pulled it out to silence it, but the screen flashed with a name that immediately made my eyes slide closed, even as I silenced the call.

“Why is he calling you?” If Jihoon’s voice before had been ragged enough to catch stray threads, now it was sharp enough to cut them.

“He’s my friend,” I said defensively.

“Your friend?”

“Yes. Why was your ex-girlfriend at your concert?” My tongue burned on the words.

“That’s not the same thing.” His voice was low, as if he was trying to put weight behind the words.

“You’re right. It’s not the same thing,” I said with a shrug, sliding my phone back into my pocket. “Because I wasn’t ever with Tae.”

Jihoon recoiled, taking a half-step back that should have felt like a victory, but felt more like I’d kicked a dog.

Without another word, I turned, pulled open the door to the van and stepped down into the humid night. He didn’t try to stop me.

Chapter 27

June 5th

Sydney