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“Why did you do that?” I asked, looking down at my bowl, pretending like I didn’t already have an idea why.

“I should not have,” he said, looking down for a moment before resolutely looking back up to meet my gaze.

I startled, my spoon frozen in my grip, because of all the reactions I could have expected, him immediately admitting to being wrong was not one of them. He kept surprising me. The goalposts for who I thought he was kept moving.

“At first, it was because I was jealous. The idea that he could still have a part of you – even if it was not romantic,” he said quickly, seeing the way I’d opened my mouth to object. “I did not like him. You know that,” he said tightly, like he was remembering every fight about Taeyang, and how irrationally he’d acted. “I told myself he wasn’t worth your friendship, but since we are being honest… it was easier to believe what everyone said about him.”

“You should have known better,” I said tightly. “They said the same things about you.”

He nodded. “I can’t pretend it was only that. I worried that he would be a tether. Not just to me, or to the group, but to this world.” He shook his head, looking down at his hands, like he was searching for the motivation he’d clung to so tightly back then.

“I know it was wrong, Kaiya.” He blew out a breath. “So much of how I acted was wrong. I know that. I–” He broke off, making a small noise of frustration in the back of his throat. “I have no excuses,” he finished.

We fell into a silence that was somehow both heavier and lighter all at once. Like the weight of his acceptance had made who we were to each other now feel more substantial.

I wanted to pick it apart, to examine the pieces, but before I could, one of the managers walked into the room, and spotting Jihoon, headed towards us.

Jihoon sighed, pushing to his feet.

“I have to go. See you around?” He looked at me, and I could have sworn there was something a little hopeful in his expression.

“Yes,” I said, without knowing what exactly I was agreeing to.

June 8th

Sydney Day 2

I knew in advance that Tae was coming to the concert. He and another member of Sol8 had arrived at the stadium under strict anonymity, but it didn’t take long for people to spot them in the box and start filming them. Their presence was all over social media before the concert had even finished. I wasn’t with them, I was downstairs, going between the backstage areas, and the back of the standing area, where people unconcerned with ‘getting barrier’ were just vibing, and enjoying themselves.

Just as it had when Lee Hyejin had turned up with PrettyYOUngthings, the appearance was beneficial for the overall image of all involved, because it allowed the fans of both groups to loudly proclaim that all the animosity between their favourite idols was made up. It was amazing, really, watching the narrative be created in real-time.

I’d seen it from the other side when the dating rumours, and love triangle, had first begun leaking online years ago. To see it be put to rest felt like a full circle moment, and though it would be foolish to believe this one event would settle all the rumours, I had to admit that Tae was doing a bloody good job at his part. He was seen cheering enthusiastically, dancing, clapping and just generally having a grand, old time. It was hard to look at those photos and make the argument that he and Jihoon hated each other.

Tae was very good at selling the image.

Chapter 28

June 11th

Ifelt it coming on the moment I opened my eyes. The tightness in my throat, the way my lungs felt abraded with each breath in, the way my eyes pinched when Sihyeon flung the curtains open to a sunny, Sydney day.

“Urgh, maybe we open the curtains a little less perkily?” I rasped, dragging a hand down my face as I swung my legs out of bed.

Sihyeon snapped around so fast her hair hit her in the face.

“Why do you sound like that?” she asked with an expression that hovered somewhere around horrified.

“Like what?” I croaked, and then, “Oh. Like this? Yeah, maybe I’m coming down with something? I have been overdoing it–”

Sihyeon shrieked and jumped back, like she wasn’t already half a dozen feet away from me.

“Ow, fuck. My ears,” I whined, flopping back down.

“Sorry Kaiya, but you need to stay away from me. I will not get sick. I refuse,” she insisted, as though I was proposing to make out with her.

“I’m fine,” I sighed. “Just a little under the weather.”

“Under, over, in the middle, I don’t care.” She held up her hands, as if to ward me off. “I want no part of it. I will ask to change rooms until you’re not… sick,” she said, her nose crinkling as though the word ‘sick’ was synonymous with ‘plague’.