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There was a world between that girl and me.

“I know,” I eventually replied.

Chapter 30

July 9th

Idecided to use my generous per diem to get myself a seat in one of the good carriages on the train down to London. It didn’t make the journey any quicker, but it meant I got a power outlet, WiFi, and as much free coffee and pastries as I could eat, or stuff in my bag for later. Which was an embarrassing amount.

When I got off at London Euston, I stood for a moment on the platform, breathing it in, before realising I looked like a tourist – which for someone who considered themselves to be at least partially a ‘Londoner’, was embarrassing and not to be tolerated. I swiftly grabbed the handle of my suitcase, shouldered my backpack, and assumed an unaffected air as I walked outside to get a taxi.

I watched London pass by through the window of my taxi. The city was as appealing as it ever got in summer. It was dry and bright but not yet so oppressively hot that people hid in the shadows of buildings to escape the blistering heat that would radiate off the pavements in near-visible waves.

In some ways, it was surreal re-visiting my old stomping grounds. Like going back to a school you’ve graduated from, feeling like the most grown up person in the room. It was all admittedly ridiculous, considering I’d only left the city a few months prior, but London was like that. Living in it, working in it, was so much like a trial by fire, that leaving it for something new felt like you’d passed some sort of test. Coming back felt like a victory lap.

But, as so often happened when you got to feeling like you’d conquered the city, the city humbled you just to remind you of your place in the world.

For me, it was almost the moment I got out of my taxi and stood on the pavement outside the hotel. I’d trapped the strap of my backpack in the door of the car. As the taxi pulled away, it yanked the bag off my back and dragged me off balance straight into the road where I was nearly flattened by a delivery person on a bicycle.

“Get the fuck out the way!” he shouted angrily over his shoulder as he swerved to avoid me.

“Sorry,” I called, scrambling upright and back onto the pavement. A few metres away, my taxi had stopped, presumably because the driver had noticed his back door clanking. I jogged over, retrieved my bag and muttered hurried apologies as I opened and closed his door. I ran back to my stranded luggage, and hustled into the hotel before my face burst into flames under the mid-day London sun, which now felt blazing, instead of warm and charming, as it had only minutes before.

I settled into my hotel room with a sigh that was somewhere between relief and a kind of restlessness.

I’d gotten an email from Sihyeon a couple of days ago. She was not going to be rejoining the tour until Berlin. There had been a family emergency, and while it was admittedly nice to have a whole room to myself, I couldn’t help admitting that I would miss having her company. Even if Sihyeon and I weren’t the kind of people who would necessarily just be friends for the sake of it, it was nice to go through this experience with someone.

I knew the group had flown into London a few days ago. I followed them on social media, and it looked like they’d been having a grand old time exploring the city. Woojin had even gone into a Greggs and bought a sausage roll, which wasn’t nearly as funny as all the comments underneath the photo where British Vibers had been trying to explain to international Vibers how culturally significant this was.

Minjae and Jihoon had apparently gone down the history route. Their feed was full of pictures from inside the Tower of London, the V&A, and walking up the Mall.

The youngest members were predictably less serious. Most of their feeds were taken up with nonsense like pretending to be waxworks in Madame Tussauds.

I knew this tour was taking a toll on them, how tired they were, how they missed home and familiar things, but it made me happy to see that they were still able to find time to just be themselves, and muck about.

It was silly, but it made me irrationally proud that while in London the members had been out and about in the wild, and no one had accosted them, or tried to leak their hotel details – as had happened during three stops now. It was a nice feeling to know that they felt safe enough to walk around in what I considered to be my city. Silly as that was.

July 10th

I couldn’t help the grin that stretched across my face as we pulled into the parking lot of Broadcasting House. The last time I’d been here had been for an interview on BBC Radio 4 on The Cultural Impact of K-Pop on Western Media.

One of the managers asked why I was so happy, as I’d been practically bouncing in my seat and I’d tried my best to explain how big of a deal it was to come to Broadcasting House. They’d smiled and nodded politely, clearly unimpressed.

We were here because GVibes was appearing on The One Show. It was surreal, because it was another one of those full-circle moments that I kept feeling on this tour. Another arc that was coming to a close, or perhaps reminding me of the beginning. I couldn’t shake it, no matter how many times I told myself it was silly. Over and over, I would remember what Jihoon had told me last year when he’d tracked down my hotel room.

“It always felt like fate with you.”

I still didn’t believe in fate, not really, but I was willing to admit that perhaps I was more open to the idea of some things happening for a reason.

The last time GVibes had appeared on The One Show, I had hidden in the storage room at Pisces, eating my lunch while I watched on my phone. Today, I was going to be watching from the studio.

My eyes pricked, and horrified, I quickly turned my face away, pretending to be intensely interested in the buildings outside the van. I cleared my throat, dashing a sleeve across my eyes.

We parked next to the handful of black SUVs GVibes had been using while in London and filed off the mini bus. I waited a few moments for everyone to filter in through the doors before I pulled my phone out and posed in front of the building, taking a few selfies before I shoved my phone back in my pocket and hurried after.

I hadn’t seen Jihoon since Auckland, weeks ago. I’d almost gotten used to his absence. Going through my days with no expectation of seeing him.

I walked into the lounge behind the rest of the crew, fiddling with my phone when I looked up and caught his gaze in the mirror where he was sat having his makeup done. His eyes seemed to glow from the reflected light of the lamps as they snapped to mine. As if he’d felt me coming.