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I don’t want anyone else to know where she’s buried. Whoever was abusing her could go there.

So, I chose a spot by the Woodline, with just enough light to grow flowers for her. That’s all the headstone she needs.

Then we get to work.

It’s meditative; the repetitive motion and physical exertion are exactly what I need right now. I almost don’t want this to end.

Because what comes next?

Mindset won’t be mindset. This will be the time that I ask for more, and I know that he won’t give it to me. He will say no, and everything will be over. I can’t be so lost in hope that the very real possibility of us going our separate ways escapes me.

He wants to own you.

This is an arrangement.

He uses your flesh, and you get affection in return.

The affection isn’t real. It’s just what you get out of it.

He wouldn’t do any of it if he weren’t using you for his canvas.

He doesn’t love you.

You are nothing. So, act like you are nothing.

Maybe I shouldn’t even bother asking him. Maybe I shouldn’t bother with registration papers. I know what he will say. Why do this to myself? Why do this to him? When I’m finished taking care of my mother, I can simply go. It’s not like he would send anyone out looking for me; no one is supposed to know about us.

I could save everyone from a headache by taking myself out of the picture.

My stomach twists so tight I nearly double over, hunched as I remove one shovel full of dirt at a time. Tears drop down my cheek, and well up so thick I can hardly see.

No. No. No.

This isn’t how I am supposed to be. I’m not supposed to feel the pain.

You are nothing. So, act like you are nothing.

Your parents are the only people who have ever wanted you. And they’re gone.

You are nothing. So, act like you are nothing.

Pru isn’t your friend. She just pities you.

They all do. They all pity you.

It won’t take them long to forget you’re even gone.

The people you already love won’t care. Why bother with someone who doesn’t even know who you are?

“Violet.” Dean rests his hand gently on my shoulder, his voice as soft as velvet, his head tilted to the side as he meets my gaze.

Why would you disrupt your friend's life to help with your messed-up one?

“You should go home and rest… Big night tonight.” Every night is a big night at the theater for him. I wipe the tears from my eyes, then go to fill another shovel full, but Dean grabs my arm.

“I’m not leaving you. Not even after we are done.”

I don’t bother fighting him; I don’t want to be difficult.