Page 10

“But please, do not fret. The doctors told you not to worry, did they not? I’ve always been sickly and you’re as lively and radiant as ever.” She looked at the sullen face of her cousin and sidled closer to her. “Trust me. Nothing is going to happen to this babe of yours.”

Olivia exhaled, her features relaxing. “Thank you. I know you can’t know this for certain. And I know you are just saying this to be kind, but it still makes me feel better.”

Helen chuckled and patted Olivia on her hand. She was glad she was able to lighten her cousin’s mood, but she needed to know—needed to bring the conversation back to the question that still bothered her. She grimaced as she thought through her next question. “Is Jarvis… how is he taking this news?” Propriety be damned. She didn’t want the people she loved to suffer.

Olivia raised her head and watched Helen carefully, confusion marring her brows. “He is worried, understandably. He blames himself for what happened the last time because he wasn’t there with me at the time. But how could he have known?”

Helen frowned. “Yes, well… One tends to be rather unreasonable in such circumstances. However, this is not what I meant.”

“It isn’t?” Olivia raised her brows.

Helen shook her head and sidled even closer to her friend.

“What did you mean?” Olivia looked completely guileless and innocent. She honestly had no idea what Helen was getting at. But Helen decided to plow on.

Perhaps she would be able to help Olivia avoid the issues Helen had in her marriage, or at least, she would warn her, or… Helen didn’t know exactly what she wanted to get out of this conversation, but her worry persisted and she was unable to suppress it.

“I just meant… Well, men do not usually respond favorably when they are told that they have to stop marital relations. In some cases”—in my case—“they turn to other women for favors they are not getting from their wives.”

“O-oh!” The prolonged ‘o-oh’ and Olivia’s still open mouth indicated that she was indeed very shocked by the turn of the conversation. She folded the fabric of her gown on her lap before unfolding it again as her cheeks took on a burning pink color. “I wouldn’t worry about that. Jarvis doesn’t exactly spend much time away from me. Besides, there are ways that we can be intimate without engaging in a marital act.”

“How’s that?” The question left Helen’s lips before she could think better of it. And since it was out there, Helen decided not to take it back. The interesting thing was, she didn’t want to take the question back. She was rather curious. After the doctors advised them to stop trying for a babe, Greyson never graced Helen’s bedroom again. He sought the pleasures of the flesh from other women, wrecking quite a few lives in the process, including his own and his wife’s. And here Olivia was telling her that could have been avoided.

Could Helen have saved Greyson?

“Well…” Olivia paused with her mouth slightly open as her cheeks turned the color of early sunrise. “Is it proper for us to discuss this?”

“Oh, no.” Helen shook her head for emphasis. “Most improper.”

For some odd reason, it made her quite giddy, making Olivia blush. She felt as though she was a more experienced matron, although she was quite certain that was not the truth, especially considering the turn of the conversation.

And why shouldn’t they discuss such affairs with each other? They were both married—or widowed, in Helen’s case. They were related. And they were only talking among themselves. Resolute, she straightened her spine. “But since nobody knows that we are being improper—”

“—and no one is hurt by what we are saying,” Olivia continued Helen’s thought, her eyes narrowing.

“Then we can talk about it,” Helen finished in a more confident tone.

Olivia licked her lips. “Well, it’s just like that with… with the non-marital marital act. I am certain people frown upon it and it is not lady-like, but I was never lady-like to being with—”

It was turning into a ramble. Helen swallowed a smile. “Olivia?”

“Right.” Olivia nodded and licked her lips again. “Well, the thing that creates a baby is a joining of a man and a woman. And that same act is what doctors say endangers my baby… But there are ways where men and women can enjoy each other without the joining. And”—Olivia got progressively more red and quiet with every word—“it feels just as good.”

Helen couldn’t even begin to understand what Olivia meant by that.

She was an experienced lady. She’d been married for four years before her husband’s demise, and yet she knew almost nothing about the affairs that went on between a man and a woman in the dark.

She loved the feel of Greyson’s arms around her. The comfort of being close to him. And there was a certain need of having him within her, the pleasure of having him inside that led to the frustration of being estranged from him and the physical intimacy.

But until this moment, she had been certain that any kind of intimacy always ended with the possibility of bearing a child. She relied on her husband’s knowledge to guide her and then after being widowed, she gave up on such thoughts altogether.

On rare occasions, she’d remember the nights she’d spent with Greyson wrapped in his arms, and besides the ache in her heart and the emptiness in her soul, she’d feel the need in her body as well. The need to be kissed and touched gently but passionately. Then there was an ache in her private places that she could not alleviate on her own.

And now Olivia was telling her that such intimacy was possible without the risk of having a child? Perhaps Greyson had not known of such a possibility.

Her fingers touched the paper she’d read just a few minutes ago about a man finding pleasure in a brothel. He had been tied up and possibly whipped, and he most definitely enjoyed it if he frequented the brothel… Perhaps there was more to pleasure than she’d originally thought.

“Sounds… nice,” she said thoughtfully. “Sometimes I wish I could experience it all again.”