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“My son disnae think much o’ me, I’m sure he’s made that clear tae ye. An’ it’s my own fault, truly.”

“What do you mean?” Helen prompted when the pause grew long. She suspected what he meant. Ian had told her about their tumultuous relationship, but she wanted to hear the story from the earl himself.

“I hear we have somethin’ in common,” the earl said unexpectedly. “Ian says yer bringin’ up a wee lassie, yer late husband’s lassie, not yer own.”

“She is mine,” Helen said instantly. And although she knew what the earl meant, she didn’t want to hear that from anyone else.

“An’ ye love her as yer own.”

Helen licked her lips. “I do.”

“See, this is where I failed. I blamed the wean for the sins o’ his mother and could never let mysel’ love him the way I loved my other bairn.”

Helen unsuccessfully tried to swallow the feeling of a large boulder stuck in her throat. Her eyes watered, and her heart ached for the boy that Ian had been.

“I treated him unfair, y’see,” the earl continued. “And though I didna love him the way I should ha’, I still loved him. Sometimes ye dinnae recognize the wrongness of yer actions till it’s too late. But I hope it’s no’ too late for me tae cultivate a relationship wi’ my son. And I hope ye will help me wi’ that.”

Helen was more and more surprised by every word that came out of the earl’s mouth. “How can I possibly do that?”

“Yer his wife. Yer English and I cannae fault ye for that.” Helen couldn’t help but chuckle at that admission. “But perhaps ye’d want tae come an’ visit us more often. Or even stay here for a while.”

He reached for a paper on his desk and extended it toward Helen. “I gave this tae Ian the day afore and he threw it back in ma face. I dinnae blame him for that either. But it’s his and yers, nonetheless.”

Helen took the paper and read the words The Deed of Conveyance. It transferred the ownership of a small northern estate by the sea from Lord Atholl to Lord Ian McAllistair and his wife.

“It’s a gift,” the earl said as he leaned back against his chair. “Ye can sell it if ye want. Or ye can come and stay there for a few weeks a year. I made a mistake by driving my son awa’, but I dinnae want tae never see my grandweans either.”

Helen froze in panic.

It was too much. It was all too much! The concern in the earl’s eyes, the tenderness with which he spoke, and the regret she could feel in his voice, were real and honest. And all those doubts that she’d had the night before, the doubts about deceiving not only this family but the entire world that Ian and Helen were married, now assailed her full force.

The harsh and forbidding earl had welcomed her into his family and now laid all his hopes of reconciling with his son upon her shoulders. He wished to see his grandchildren!

He would have no grandchildren coming from her, that was certain. And as for the rest…

Helen stood, her chest rising and falling with frantic breaths. “I am sorry,” she whispered, tears clouding her view. “I am so sorry.”

For lying to you. For pretending. For giving you hope.

“Nae need tae apologize,” the earl said with a resigned sigh. The sadness enveloped his gaze, and Helen couldn’t watch anymore.

“I am sorry,” she whispered again and rushed away from the room. In her hurry to get away from the earl and his hopes, from this house, she ran into Anna, who waited for her behind the door. She instantly caught Helen’s shoulders.

“What’s wrang? Did he upset ye? He promised he wanted tae reconcile wi’ Ian an’ welcome ye intae the family, th’ old fool!” Anna was so angry on Helen’s behalf, which just made the entire situation even worse.

Helen shook her head, tears falling from her eyes. “It’s not him. It’s me,” she said, tired of all the lies.

“What do ye mean?” The concern in Anna’s eyes was suffocating. Helen couldn’t say a word. “Come with me.”

Anna took Helen by the arm and led her away into a library a few doors away. She shut the door behind her and took Helen’s hands in hers. “Tell me, what upset ye so?”

Helen pulled her hands away and wiped her tears. “I am the one who lied, Anna. Deceived you all.”

“What are ye saying?”

“Ian and I, we are not married,” Helen said. “I was ill, and Ian made up this lie so your father wouldn’t treat me unfairly, but now it’s all spiraled out of control. Your father speaks of grandchildren which I can’t give. You treat me like a sister when I am the lie.”

Anna gave her a strange, confused look and Helen continued rambling on. “The entire house party thinks of me as part of your family now, too. And I can’t keep living a lie because I came to love you as my sister, too. I came to care for your father in the brief time I met him, and Ian…” She choked and stood there silently, not knowing what else to say, what else to confess.