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“Oh.” Olivia quickly started clapping too. “Wonderful, Laney. Very clever.”

Laney giggled and continued her work on the puzzle.

“Betsy says it’s time for her to eat,” Helen warned. “But she’ll get bored with the puzzle soon, and then you can have a meal together.”

Olivia looked up at Helen, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “Are you leaving?”

Helen grimaced. “Yes. Lord McAllistair invited me for a ride in the park, remember?”

“Ah, yes.” Olivia’s voice was full of meaning. She wasn’t fond of Lord McAllistair, and she had a reason for her distaste. After all, he was currently the most debauched lord in the country.

“You told me that as a widow I have some freedoms to explore.”

“With Lord McAllistair?” What Olivia meant with this question was ‘But does it have to be Lord McAllistair?’

Helen just smiled weakly. Nobody else was lining up to court her.

But that wasn’t the only reason she’d agreed to an outing with him. She wouldn’t have agreed with just anyone. Something about Lord McAllistair made her heart beat faster every time she thought about him. And that was a dangerous way to feel about a gentleman.

“I have to go get dressed,” Helen said instead. The more she thought about her upcoming outing, the more nervous she became. It was better not to think about it at all. “But do not worry. I am certain you and Laney will have a great time together.”

She threw one last glance toward her playing daughter and walked away.

Her maid had already prepared the clothing for her, so Helen got ready very quickly. Her lady’s maid helped her into her riding habit and left her alone with her thoughts.

Helen sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly in front of her, her gaze unseeing.

She tried to push away the thoughts and fears, but anxiety crept up from within her, whispering the doubts in her head.

Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t agreed to meet with Lord McAllistair.

Yes, she’d wanted that at the moment, she’d wanted to break through the veil of grief and sadness, but right now, on the verge of actually seeing him, she wished she hadn’t dared.

She oscillated between two extremes like a pendulum swing. One moment, she wanted to experience life to its fullest, to run full speed at any adventure that came her way and even seek out adventure on her own, and the next moment she wanted to burrow inside her room and never leave again.

It was as if a part of her wanted to break free from herself and explore this crazy thing called life, but something was holding her tightly and not letting go.

“Soon, you won’t have a choice,” she whispered to herself.

But I feel so tired.

The knocker fell on their door, and Helen jumped in reaction. It was too late. Lord McAllistair was here.

* * *

The dappled sunlight filtered through the branches, casting gentle shadows on the path ahead. The warm spring breeze carried with it the scents of blooming flowers and fresh, wet grass. The sound of birds chirping filled the air, a cheerful chorus that seemed to welcome the arrival of spring.

Ian had ridden along this path numerous times, but he had failed to notice the beauty around him. Now, riding beside Mrs. St. John with only the sounds of their horses’ hooves breaking the silence, he had an opportunity to take in his surroundings.

He lifted his face toward the sky, feeling the warm rays of light caressing his skin.

He glanced toward Mrs. St. John, who fixed her bonnet, hiding her face from both the sun and him.

Mrs. St. John had smooth, marble-white skin, and he understood her reluctance to ruin that with freckles. She held herself rigidly on the horse, too.

Was he mistaken in his first impressions of her? He’d thought she had a more adventurous spirit than that.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” he asked, nudging his horse slightly ahead, so that when he turned toward her, the wide brim of her bonnet didn’t obfuscate the view of her face.