Page 5

Actually, what she needed was a good warm bath and perhaps a bit of food. Now that she thought about it, she was quite famished and, as a result, lightheaded. At least, she thought her lightheadedness was due to her hunger. She always blamed her weaknesses on hunger, because she didn’t know what else to blame them on. But it all could wait.

First, Laney.

Helen took her morning ablutions and then walked toward the large looking glass hanging over her vanity. She walked slowly, looking anywhere but her reflection until she stood right before it. Then she slowly lifted her face and looked into her eyes. Her gaze drifted to her red cheeks, and she let out a breath.

“It isn’t that bad,” she whispered to herself.

She took a salve from her vanity and leaned in closer to her reflection. A couple of sores seemed to be healing already, but other than that and a couple of dry, red patches of skin on her cheeks, she looked well.

She put the salve over her cheeks and nose and gingerly patted her face. There. All better.

The maid entered her room, and her smile widened when she saw Helen by her vanity. “You’re up! Shall I inform Lord and Lady St. John?”

Helen shook her head. “No, I would love to surprise them myself. I am certain they’ve been incredibly worried.”

“Incredibly,” the maid agreed. “Would you like your breakfast? Shall I bring it here or do you feel up to dining in the breakfast room?”

“I shall eat with everyone else. What time is it?”

“There will be tea in a couple of hours,” the maid supplied.

“Perfect. I shall eat then. Except, do you mind bringing me a piece of toast or a bite of a sandwich? I want to see Laney first, and I expect I need to have a bit of energy for that.”

The maid smiled. “Certainly. Do you want me to prepare your clothes first?”

Helen looked down at her nightgown. “Um… Yes, a simple day gown will do.”

The maid prepared Helen’s things and hurried away. By the time she came back, Helen had already thrown a shift over her form and put on her stockings. She moved slowly, massaging her muscles, rubbing the salve over her tired skin.

But as soon as she had a piece of toast that the maid had brought for her, she felt more rejuvenated and ready to face the world. Helen put on the rest of her clothing as quickly as she could with the help of her maid and rushed toward her daughter’s room.

She started out as spry as when she was a young girl, but soon her legs felt as heavy as lead and she had to slow her pace. She always had to remind herself to temper her movements after lying in bed for this long. On the inside, she felt as well as she could feel. But her body still protested, reminding her that she wasn’t yet healthy.

She would get back to the way she was, she was certain. Doctor’s words be damned.

She walked slowly to her daughter’s room, concentrating on her breathing. She didn’t want to be out of breath when Laney saw her. She wanted to present a healthy front. Not that Laney would understand. She was too little, barely one and a half years old. But Helen still wanted to look beautiful and healthy for her little girl.

She paused by the threshold of the half-open door to her daughter’s room and peeked inside. The sun streamed from the windows, illuminating a patch of the room and highlighting the toys haphazardly lying about the floor. Helen’s eyes fell on a little bundle that sat in the middle, doing something—Helen was not sure what—with a concentrated frown on her face.

There was always a bittersweet feeling when Helen looked at Laney. She was a rambunctious little girl, rosy-cheeked and with fire in her dark blue eyes. She looked so much like her father that it made Helen’s heart ache. But she would never look like Helen, which made Helen’s heart ache even more.

She swallowed a lump in her throat.

Helen longed for her husband’s presence, a presence that had always felt larger than life itself. She yearned for his playful humor and the lovely smile that he would flash whenever he managed to make her blush. Most of all, she missed the comfort of his embrace and his unique scent. But a part of her also missed everything he was supposed to be but never was.

As she looked at the passionate marriages of her friends, Helen couldn’t help but wish that she and Greyson could have had those same passion-filled moments. She’d wanted him to look at her with a hunger and desire that he never seemed to possess.

Although their time together had been brief, Helen had loved Greyson deeply, and she was certain that he’d loved her, too. Perhaps not with the same intensity that Jarvis, her cousin-in-law, loved his wife Olivia, but Greyson had loved her to the best of his ability.

But Laney, this sweet little girl before her, proved to Helen just how much love he still had to give, and just how much of it he chose to give to another woman… Other women.

Yes, her husband had betrayed her. Repeatedly. But in that betrayal, he had given her the biggest love in the world. For without that betrayal, she would never have known the happiness of motherhood.

Laney turned just then, and her eyes lit up with joy. “M-ma!” she cried as she stood and unsteadily took a few steps toward Helen. She fell a few steps in and continued her way by crawling. Such a determined little girl.

Helen dropped to her knees, scooped up the babe, and settled her on her lap. “There you are, little girl,” she said, with the softness her voice lacked before she met Laney.

Laney placed her hands on Helen’s cheeks and proceeded to pinch her face while jumping up and down on her lap.