Page 65

She had not only convinced Adam to teach her pleasure, but he’d shown it to her right then and there!

And oh, so much pleasure it was…

She washed her hands and face, still breathing heavily, and walked back into her room. She picked up the only other shift that she had and put it on.

She was supposed to be shopping for her trousseau, or at least this was her excuse for being in London, but she had no money to spend on such things.

The truth was, she would come into Lansdowne’s home with barely any clothes on her back. That is if she didn’t trick Adam into marrying her instead.

Beatrice stalked to her writing table and opened her journal. She flipped to the ripped page, then picked up the torn-out piece that Adam had brought her earlier and joined the two pieces, smoothing the edges.

“More items to cross off,” she murmured as she picked up the quill dipped in the inkwell and hovered over the page before crossing off To race along the Serpentine before dawn. Then lower on the page, she added another one—Take a dip in the Serpentine—and immediately crossed it off.

It was very rewarding having so many items to cross off. When she was old and wrinkly, perhaps she would find her journal, leaf through it, and smile, remembering these days.

Right now, however, a wave of sadness washed over her.

Certainly, she was happy she’d gotten to do so many things. But the satisfaction wasn’t as great as she thought it would be.

She glanced at the uncrossed items.

To smoke a cigar in a gentlemen’s club.

To bid at an auction.

These had sounded so intriguing and exciting when she was coming up with the list, but now… All she wanted was to see Adam again. It was so confusing, this feeling of needing him when he wasn’t around, thinking about him constantly, and remembering his sweet kisses.

She shivered at the memory. Every. Single. Time.

She had to wonder, though. Was she only dreaming of him and anticipating his visits because he was her only chance of escaping Lansdowne, or was she truly and fully falling in love with him?

Her parents weren’t in love when they married. That much she knew. Her mother was a daughter of the local clergyman, her father was a baron’s third son. And as the story went, Beatrice’s grandfather— her mother’s father—needed to marry off his daughters before he perished, much like her father needed to now. Beatrice’s father had seemed like a capable young man, eager to marry and start a family of his own.

They did end up falling in love, though. Beatrice didn’t know how that happened or why, or even when, but she remembered them dancing in their little parlor, playing games with their children, and laughing. After her mother’s passing, she’d often found her father staring at his locket with her miniature in it, talking to her as if she was still alive.

So, perhaps it didn’t matter whether she loved Adam or not. At least with him, she had a chance to experience love and grow old together.

He was kind and charming, and very well, sometimes he was rather brusque, but she quite liked that side of him, too. He was handsome and kind. He was a skilled horseman and pugilist. He was protective and strong. Clever and witty. His kisses made her weak in the knees, and tonight, he’d made her weak in other places, too.

What did he think of her, she wondered?

Did he ever even think of her at all? Aside from being a pain in his behind, and a foil to his carefree life. It was clear after tonight that he wanted her. But she didn’t know what that meant. She knew that some men had multiple lovers. They had affairs with people they didn’t much care about. So, perhaps Adam was just passing his time with her as a distraction before his career took him elsewhere.

That was exactly what he was doing, wasn’t it? She wished she knew his thoughts and secrets. She tapped her fingers against the writing table. She’d made everything more complicated than it already was.

She was the one who wanted this affair to happen. She wanted to bind him to her and instead, she was the one who was tied up.

Perhaps she could offer him another deal. They could help each other. Maybe she could help him with whatever he desired, too. It didn’t have to be a one-sided union.

She could give him…?

She grimaced and bit her lip. He’d already found his dream, and there was no sign he was going to let it go. How could Beatrice help him with that? She could only ruin it.

She let out a deep sigh, looked down at her list, and glanced at the one item that felt almost impossible.

To fall in love.

What if she did fall in love with Adam?