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She tried to give him a more complete answer, one that made sense of the contradictions she grappled with daily.

“I think He is merciful in that, when our time comes and we stand before Him, He will forgive our smaller sins and grant us entry to paradise. I believe He is all-powerful because He created this imperfect existence and gave us free will to choose how to live our lives without His interference.

“I think He is all-seeing, aware of everything we’ve endured and every choice we’ve made. For Him, a century is but a blink; a millennium is but a day. Thus, He doesn’t interfere with every little event in this world. He created us to make our own decisions…” she paused. “And I believe He is very disappointed.”

“Is He merciful enough to forgive the Brotherhood?” Gideon’s voice turned sharp. “The men who killed my family, who kidnapped you, who raped you and held you hostage?”

She fell silent for a long moment, carefully considering her words.

“I do not dare to speak for Him,” she said finally. “There is also hell, and I hope they will answer for their sins when the time comes.”

Gideon scoffed, a bitter sound. “See, I don’t believe in God, heaven, or hell. That’s why it’s my duty to create hell for those people here on earth. If God is all-forgiving, then He can forgive them. I won’t.”

There was a beat of silence. “I thought you had to be religious to be a duke,” she said around a bite. “To be Anglican?”

He shrugged. “Everyone is religious here, and in a way, no one is. All those Brotherhood members are devoted churchgoers, just like I am. We have to be in order to hold the titles we do. In reality, you can count the people who truly believe on the palm of one hand.”

“You are saying all of you are hypocrites?” she asked with a light smile, but he contemplated her question with a serious, thoughtful expression.

“Perhaps not all of us. There are bound to be one or two who aren’t.”

Leila chuckled. “You see the world as a dark and hopeless place, don’t you?” she asked after a moment.

“And you don’t?” he replied, meeting her eyes with a look that seemed to see straight through her. “Even after all you’ve been through?”

“This world is broken,” she said slowly, working through her thoughts as she spoke. “But if we accept that it is broken and decide it can’t be fixed, it truly will never be fixed. If I believed the world to be a hopeless place, I would never have tried to leave the Cardinal. I would have thought that life would be the same whether I was under his control or not. And I don’t believe that,” she continued with growing conviction. “I believe there is a possibility of a better life. For me. For you. For Emir.”

Gideon was quiet for a long moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was slow and tired.

“That’s a nice thought,” he said, slumping further under the weight of his weariness. “I don’t know if there’s a better life for me, but I promise you, we will find your little brother.”

“Are you beginning to trust me, then?” she asked.

“I believe you have a brother in peril,” he said simply. “I might be a fool for believing that, but I do. As long as you don’t lead me into another trap, we will find him.”

“No traps, I promise.” She found herself smiling. “But how will we find him?”

“I don’t know yet,” Gideon admitted. “But give me a few hours to rest and think. I’ll come up with something.”

Leila removed the tray between them and set it near the bed. A few hours of sleep would do him good, but it would take days for him to heal.

Gideon leaned against the pillows, his eyelids heavy. Leila settled next to him, her head resting near his arm. She wanted to be close to his warmth but was hesitant to touch him for fear it might hurt him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth right away,” she whispered. “I really wish I had.”

“Do you know you can trust me now, or do you simply have no choice?” he asked, his eyes now closed.

“I do trust you,” she replied after a brief hesitation. “And yes, I have no other choice—or at least no compelling choices. But even if I didn’t trust that you wanted to help me, I know you will make sure my brother is safe.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Because he is innocent,” she said simply.

Chapter 21

They spent a few days in the tower, with Gideon recuperating from his wounds while Leila tried to remember anything about the Brotherhood that might help them.

She wasn’t very successful, while Gideon seemed to grow stronger each day. His bruises were fading, the swelling in his face had diminished, and his movements became more assured and confident.