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And the llama most likely has rabies too, this poor thing.

“Oh, you’ll like this one,” Lily the Liar coos, getting her CEO boyfriend of half an hour to pet the snorting llama. “A real sweetheart this time, really. A perfect pet for a bachelor like yourself—”

“Motherfucker.”

An acute scream rings in the air, coming from none other than Every the (not so) Brave. A second later, a llamic bleat joins it.

The tall CEO bares his teeth, his face growing hotter than a chili, lust clouding his eyes—

Wrong, no.

“Lily,” he growls slowly, like a rabid wolf ready to pounce, “I think this goat just pissed on my leg. On my fucking twenty thousand dollar HANDMADE ARMANI DRESS PANTS. And it fucking spat on my FLAWLESS FUCKING FACE.”

He screams.

Loud.

Windows shatter.

Oh, so dramatic, as always.

In hindsight, we find out that whenever he’s angry, this grown adult man curses like a middle school kid who just discovered the act of swearing for the first time.

So lame. So dramatic.

His new girlfriend winces, now seriously doubting her recently made decision to be with him. Like most other stereotypical romance male leads, he can be quite the selfish bastard who radiates assholism, almost bordering into man-child territory, except he isn’t, of course, since that is the villainous ex-boyfriend’s trait. And he’s the protagonist, the rich, pompous CEO aristocrat who rules over his random fortune five hundred company with an iron fist and most likely screams at his five secretaries at every chance he gets.

At least he has the classic good looks of a boy next door. Cute and cuddly, not so different from her llamas, after all.

And he even has dimples.

So he can’t be that bad, can he?

Then she finally finds her voice. “Nah, don’t worry, bro. Did you know that llama saliva has healing abilities?”

Again, she totally just discovered that right there and then.

And Every the Egoistic ass totally eats that up.

“Of course I do. I learned that in kindergarten,” he says, trying to look tough and hardy like a macho man or alpha male podcast bro, whatever that is supposed to mean.

He isn’t, though.

Doesn’t.

The disease-ridden animal then turns and walks away, bored with the whole affair. Honestly, even after all the chaos it created, it still looks even more stern and stoic and in control than Every the CEO, who is trying really hard to look detached and unaffected by the llama saliva currently running down the collar of his crisp shirt.

Well, too bad, bro.

He sighs, growls, scoffs, then shakes his head—basically making all the expressions he is capable of as the not-so-grumpy male lead. “This is all right, of course. Actually, it isn’t. I’ve never had such a terrible experience in my entire thousand-year life.”

Bro, your senses aren’t making any sense.

Lily pouts, her bottom lip jutting over her top pink one like the quirky girl she is. “Ew, that’s so old. That’s pretty much dinosaur-aged compared to me. How old are you, really?”

“I’m ageless. I mean, girl, just look at my skin: flawless and wrinkle-free.”

“Of course.”