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“What I did to you was actually the impetus that drove me to therapy. I woke up the next morning and my first thought was that I was turning into my father, and that I would do anything to prevent that from happening.”
She’d never felt more tempted to hug him than in that moment, but Pearl just kept her hand on his arm - not trusting herself to do anything more. “I’m glad to hear that something good could come from that awful day. If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have taken this job if your father had still been alive.”
Pearl paused for a moment, trying to decide if she wanted to tell this particular story. She’d never even told Pru. “I saw him once, you know. A couple of years after we broke up. He came into the bookstore trying to track down a book on magical lineage. I kept working there for a little while as I was growing my business. The owner always gave me the weird book requests, as you know, and when I walked out to greet the “weird soddin’ customer” in my boss’s words, for a split second, I thought it was you. He was looking at a bookshelf, but when he turned, I saw his gray eyes and the lines around them, and I knew it was your father. My heart almost stopped when I realized it - I was sure he would recognize me and chastise me for sullying his son. But he didn’t. I don’t think he had any idea who I was. He wasn’t friendly, but he was cordial, and I had to communicate with him a few times while I tracked down the book. When he came to pick it up, I put my name on his order with the biggest John Hancock writing I could manage without being ridiculous because I wanted to see what he would do if he knew he’d been working with me, but he just signed the invoice without comment. He thanked me for my help and swept out the door. I don’t know why I was surprised, but somehow it hurt more to know that he had encouraged you to end things with me and didn’t even know my name. Or if he had, it had meant so little to him. It had slipped out of his mind - immediately dumped by his hippocampus as unimportant information.”
Corvus’ head dropped again. “I’m sorry, Pearl. I’m so sorry.”
Pulling one of Corvus’ hands between her own, he looked up in surprise. She spoke softly as though he might spook away. “Corvus, don’t apologize for that. Please don’t carry the weight of your father’s mistakes. I didn’t tell you that story to make you feel bad. I told you because it doesn’t matter how much you look like your father, you’re not him.”
They stayed in companionable silence holding hands for a long time until Pearl spoke up. “Since we’re being open, Corvus, can I ask you something?”
He moved closer to her. “Of course you can. You can ask me anything.”
“Why did you want the book on generational curses?” Pearl meant to leave it there, but she couldn’t stop the second question from sliding past her lips. She’d been wanting to ask him since Paris, but hadn’t had the gumption before now. “Did you break up with me because of a curse?”
Deflating, Corvus pulled his hand away, stood, and walked to the window. He said nothing for a moment - merely rubbed his hand over his heart. When he looked back, his eyebrows were pulled together in sorrow. “No. I wish I could give you a different answer, but no. I was just persuaded by people I thought had my best interests at heart. I was a coward without a spine to stand up for what I knew in my heart was right.”
A little flame of hope that Pearl didn’t know existed until it was gone snuffed out inside of her at his words. “I see.” She had to take a moment to collect herself before she asked her first question again. “But that doesn’t explain why you wanted the book?”
Corvus looked out the window again. “I would share almost anything with you, Pearl, but I can’t share that.”
This brought some fire back to her eyes. “Do you really think I’m going to leave it at that?”
Smiling for the first time since Pearl had touched that wretched book, Corvus replied, “No, I wouldn’t expect that. Your voracious appetite for answers is one of the things I’ve always appreciated about you. I’ll tell you this much. I was looking for an answer to a question and found nothing of use there.”
“May I read it?” His flattery wasn’t going to distract her from his incredibly vague answer.
“Maybe someday. How about this - it will be part of your payment for cursebreaking the library?”
That carrot dangler. How dare he! It would be bad form to stomp her foot and say she wanted it now. She didn’t want to make it so she never got her hands on it. What were a few months or so?
“I’ll allow that, I suppose, but I need you to promise me something, Corvus, if we’re truly going to be friends.”
The smile that he gave her when she said the word “friends” made his elusive dimples appear. “If it is in my power to promise it, I will.”
“I need you to show me the ugly parts. Please don’t hide pieces of yourself from me because you think I won’t like them. If you do that, we’ll never be any more than acquaintances."
Corvus sat down with a husky sigh. “I…I can try. I just…” he huffed out a breath. “I just am worried that if I do that it will be too much. That the ugliest parts of me will outweigh anything good I have to offer.”
Taking his hand once again, Pearl replied, “I hear you. But unfortunately it’s the risk you have to take to open yourself up to someone. You have to trust that they’ll accept you, warts and all.”
“I have some pretty ugly warts, Pearl.”
“We all do, Corvus. And hiding them doesn’t make them go away, it usually just makes them look bigger and worse than they actually are.”
“But what if the warts spread because I exposed you to them?”
Pearl laughed. “I’m sorry, but we’ve officially taken this metaphor too far. Corvus, you’ve been to therapy. What would your therapist say?”
“That I’m catastrophizing." Corvus leaned back and closed his eyes wearily, and his thumb absently rubbed her hand. It made her arms break out in goosebumps, and she wondered if he even realized he was doing it. She really was lonely if hand holding felt this erotic. She tried to pull her hand away as gently as she could. This friendship thing was off to a great start if his rubbing her hand was making her swoon. Corvus’ eyes opened again when her hand left his. “This is a two way street, Pearl. You can’t ask this of me and close yourself off.”
Opening her mouth to protest, she realized she didn’t have a leg to stand on. So she just sighed. “I’ll do my best.” But she wasn’t sure if it was a promise she could keep.
“You mean he made up some work thing and whisked you off on a trip to Paris and you’re not sure if he’s in love with you?” Sofia cackled.
Pearl tried to come up with a rebuttal, but all she could say was “Well, when you put it that way it does sound like he might have some interest in me, but…”
Hannah interrupted before Pearl could continue, “Ah, yes. All good flings begin with a trip to Paris where the man buys you a mountain of books and doesn’t touch you once.”