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Half Agony, Half Hope

Page 35

by Machaia McClenny

“Painful?” Corvus supplied.

Pearl huffed out a laugh without humor. “Yes. It was painful. I suppose it still is.”

“And friendship is what you want?”

Hesitating, Pearl wondered if she should mine that question to its source, but decided to answer with a simple, “Yes. That’s what I want.” And she shoved away her internal voice that was calling her a liar once again.

Corvus simply nodded and said, “I fully respect that choice, and you can have confidence I’ll be your friend unless you make clear to me that you want something else.”

A couple of weeks earlier, Hannah had called Pearl almost in tears. She’d been wanting to throw a big birthday party for her husband, Oscar, since it was his 30th, but she was utterly overwhelmed at the idea of doing so in a home that was currently being ravaged by a small child who was becoming increasingly mobile. In a moment of weakness, Pearl had offered her place as an alternative location, and Hannah brightened almost immediately. Suspecting she’d been hustled, Pearl couldn’t be too upset - she had full confidence Hannah would find some way to pay her back. She was never the kind of friend to ask for favors without returning them.

Having called in Pru, Oliver, Sofia, and Aashvi as backup, Pearl’s home was bustling on the Saturday afternoon of the party as they all prepared. Hannah had Evelyn in a sling and was using small bursts of magic to hang up banners and balloons around the house, while Mercuito was helpfully running away with the ribbon and hiding it in various places around the house, which might bother Hannah except it was keeping Evelyn marvelously entertained and mostly content being confined to Hannah’s torso. As Pearl diced vegetables, her mind kept wandering back to her conversation with Corvus the previous day. Was friendship with him really possible? A smaller, quieter voice in her head raised another question. Is that really all she wanted?

A gentle nudge pulled her out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see that she’d grabbed Oliver’s attention. “Alright, Pearl?” He was the best cook among them, and Pearl had been designated his sous chef. Not having realized how quiet she’d gotten as he told her about the herb garden he was starting, Pearl shook herself in an attempt to banish her circular thoughts and tried for a bright, unaffected smile. “Sure!”

Oliver just rolled his eyes.

Pearl scoffed. “Pru is rubbing off on you. She’d be proud of that eye roll.”

“Well, you deserve it for trying to pretend nothing’s amiss when you know you’re amongst friends.”

“Just trying to figure out what I want, I suppose.” Pearl paused. “Well, and what someone else wants.”

Huffing a laugh Oliver replied. “That’s terribly cryptic, Pearl.”

Pearl’s eyes narrowed on Oliver. “You’re a man.”

That earned her an eyebrow raise and a smile. “Last time I checked.”

“How do you know what a man wants?”

“Are we pretending like I don’t know who we’re talking about, or can we use his name?”

Sighing, Pearl waved her hand. “I suppose we won’t manifest him if we say his name out loud.”

Oliver set the stove heat to simmer and turned fully to Pearl. “I think I care a lot more about what you want than what Corvus does.”

It was like a shot of warmth straight to Pearl’s heart even if it didn’t answer her question. “I’m having trouble figuring that out.”

“I can’t speak for all blokes, but I think time will always tell you what a man or anyone really wants. Given enough time, you’ll see if their actions prove their words. You’ll see if they show up.”

“Do you think men and women can be just friends?”

Oliver laughed. “I’d like to think we’re friends.”

Putting a hand over her eyes, Pearl laughed with him. “Of course we are. Here I go speaking in generalities again. Corvus has said he will be my friend unless I want something else. He said…” Pearl bit her lip, unsure if she should continue before plowing ahead. “We…we almost kissed a week or so ago, and he said he didn’t want it to be just a kiss. He said he wanted to be in my life. He said he wanted to be mine.”

Turning back to the soup, Oliver shook his head, mumbling under his breath, “Poor bloke.”

Affronted, Pearl smacked him on the arm. “Hey! I thought you were on my side!”

Oliver cocked his head as he turned back to her. “Do you really want me to answer the question you’re dancing around?”

Pearl gave him a firm nod.

“He’s already told you exactly what he wants. He wants to be with you in whatever way you’ll have him. The ball is entirely in your court - you just have to decide what you want to do with it.”

Nodding, Pearl looked back down at the vegetables - a bit embarrassed. She’d needed to hear someone else say it. She’d needed to hear those words out loud. “I suppose my biggest fear is that if I take this leap and try again with him, he won’t want me anymore. Like maybe he only wants me because he can’t have me. I don’t know how to trust him.”