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‘Then what?’ He firmed his grip on her chin, his heart tight in his chest. ‘Then what, Libby?’

‘If you left me, I don’t think I could stand it.’ Her voice was husky, and this time he could see the fear stark in her eyes.

He gritted his teeth, not knowing what to say. ‘Why would I do that?’ he asked eventually.

‘I don’t know,’ she said thickly. ‘There are a thousand reasons why people walk away from each other. I had no idea why all those people didn’t want to adopt me, but I’m sure there was a reason, and I don’t want that to happen to us. I don’t want you to turn around next week and wonder why on earth you wanted me to stay.’

The disappointment and hurt sitting inside him gathered weight, a heavy stone pressing into him. ‘I’m not going to do that,’ he insisted. ‘I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want you here.’

‘I know, but the problem is me, Kai. I can’t do that uncertainty, I just can’t.’ Pain flickered across her face and then was gone. ‘I’m sorry.’

She meant it, that was clear, and though it hurt him, he could understand why she felt that way. She’d been scarred by her childhood as he had, and there were consequences for that. Perhaps both of them were too damaged for any kind of relationship, and most especially with each other.

Ignoring the crushing feeling around his heart, he made himself let go of her chin. ‘Fine,’ he said shortly, and got to his feet. ‘I’ll call the helicopter for you.’

Then he walked away before he could do anything he might regret.

Chapter Twelve

CHRISTMAS EVE AT Worthington was its usual fun and chaos, and Libby tried to enjoy it. She pushed aside the pain in her heart that had settled there, sharp and icy, ever since she’d left Kai.

She hadn’t been expecting him to simply offer her the money for Worthington without strings, or to give up his leverage with regards to the marriage proposal. He hadn’t wanted to be like Neve, he’d said, and she understood that. She’d even felt her heart lift at the determination in his beautiful face.

But then he’d offered a helicopter to take her back to her hotel, giving her a way out if she wanted it, and she hadn’t been expecting that, either. I want you to stay, he’d said, and the moment he’d said those words, her heart had leapt and a wild rush of…something had flooded through her.

And it had scared her, that something. It had made her think about all those times when she’d felt hope that one of those couples who’d talked to her might want her. Only to experience the same crushing disappointment when they didn’t.

He was right when he’d told her the kids were an excuse. It had never been about them, or even Worthington itself. It was about her own heart and the way it ached whenever he was around. The way it hurt for him. The way it longed for him. She couldn’t let it yearn, she just couldn’t. Not when whatever affair they’d been having would likely end at some point, and then her heart would be broken.

And it would end, she was certain of it. At some point, at some time, Kai would realise she wasn’t as perfect as he thought she was. He’d see what all those prospective parents had seen in her, whatever that was, and he’d decide she wasn’t good enough for him, that he didn’t want her after all, and she couldn’t bear that. She couldn’t live with the anxiety of always wondering when the rejection would come and what would trigger it.

Still, it was his face she couldn’t stop seeing, and the disappointment in it. There had been pain there, and anger, and when he’d walked away, she’d almost leapt to her feet and gone after him.

Coward.

The common area was loud, noisy with children laughing and screaming with excitement as they gazed at the presents beneath the tree. Normally, Libby loved this part of Christmas Eve the most, watching the happiness on their faces. But now, she felt…heavy. And cold, so cold.

Of course she was a coward. She’d run away from him, but it wasn’t him she was afraid of. She was afraid of the feeling that was in her heart.

The children were now playing a game around the tree, Rachel was joining in. A familiar scene and a safe one. She’d never a missed a Christmas here, not once.

Is this what you truly always wanted? Or are you just too scared to leave?

The whisper echoed and reechoed in her head, and she couldn’t get it out. She’d been at the home all her life, she’d never left. Everyone else had, but not her. At first that had been a terrible hurt, but then she’d decided it didn’t matter. She’d embrace it. She’d stay here where she was wanted and she’d never looked back. She’d never thought about alternatives, about what she wanted. She was just happy that other people needed and wanted her.

Yet it was safe, this little life of hers. Yes, it had its rewards, but it wasn’t a challenge. It wasn’t difficult. It was its own little world and she’d been safe within it.

However, there was another world out there, a wider world, with a man in it who’d called her perfect. A man who wanted her, who cared about her feelings, who’d looked after her, cared for her, had given her pieces of himself and whom she’d left…

Because you let your fear be more important than him.

Her throat closed, the laughing kids wavering in her vision as tears filled her eyes, because that was true, wasn’t it? And it was terrible, because her fear wasn’t the most important thing. Kai was. Kai was more important to her than anything in the world, and he always had been.

You love him.

Libby closed her eyes, trying to stem the flood of tears as the realisation spread through her. Of course that was the feeling inside her, the one she’d been so afraid of. Love. She loved him, but that had frightened her and so she’d run from it. It was easier to give love than to receive it in many ways, because receiving it made you want more and more. Receiving it meant that you had to trust that the other person would keep giving it.

You can love him, but you can’t let him love you?