Page 44 of Indecently Daring

Harry rolled his eyes. “And here I was thinking I could come and bare my soul and get some advice. I’m dying here, Michael. She’s temptation made flesh, and I’m…. What do I do?”

“Well, if it were me, I’d marry her.”

Harry shook his head. “No.”

“No? Whyever not? You want her. I’m assuming she wants you. Is she an intelligent girl, the kind who will challenge you and keep you guessing?”

Harry gave a rueful laugh. “Oh, yes. She’s that all right. I’ve been given the sharp side of her tongue a time or two already. Quite an experience, it was.”

“Then why not marry her?”

Harry threw up his hands. “You know why! I’m not a fit prospect for a husband, I’m barely a functioning human being. What if I fail, what if I make a wrong step and it all goes to hell? It’s one thing to drive myself into the gutter, it’s another to take a wife with me, perhaps children too.”

The vision of Betsy White swam behind his eyes, her lout of a husband snoring on the floor, having drunk away every penny they owned.

“Harry, Harry,” Michael said, sympathy shining in his eyes. “Did it never occur to you that you’d be a lot less likely to fail with a good woman in your life? If you had someone who relied upon you as you rely upon her, wouldn’t it make it easier to turn your back on temptation?”

Harry frowned. He’d never considered it that way. He had been so certain he had ruined himself and would ruin anyone else who came to care for him. Would it be easier to be a good man, to remain steady and sober, if he had someone who would not stand for any nonsense? He’d made it this far all alone, but how different it might be with a woman who was bold and brave and kind, and…. He sucked in a breath as the idea filled his chest, hope blooming to life. Even if he was wrong, and he failed, Alana Cadogan was no Betsy White. She’d not stand for him behaving in such a way. She’d likely murder him before she let him drag them all down. She would certainly throw him out, but she was also strong enough to tell him when he was being a fool, and to help him be the man he aspired to be.

Michael gave him a fond smile and shook his head. “Harry, you drank to fill the emptiness inside you, lad. You had no place you felt you belonged, no purpose, but that is no longer the case. You’ve done it, you’ve redeemed yourself. So let yourself live. Life is a blessing, and you should find pleasure in earthly joys. You’re only a man, remember, not a saint. There’s no requirement for divinity, I assure you. You’ve lost enough of your life, don’t condemn yourself to being a lonely old man. Have a wife, have a family. You’ll be a better man for it. I know I was. There’s not a day goes by I don’t miss my darling Mary. She was a joy to me, and losing her was the hardest thing I ever endured. I look forward to the day I see her again, but until then there is still joy to be found. Mrs Potter’s steak-and-kidney pie, for example. Now that is a blessing I am willing to give thanks for. So stop looking so glum. Let us fill our bellies until we can’t move, then you’ll see everything a deal clearer.”

Harry gave a huff of laughter and smiled. “Thank you, Michael. I knew coming to see you was the right thing to do.”

“Of course it was. I am a very wise man,” the old reprobate said. “But if you’re going to marry the girl, get on with it, will you? I’m not getting any younger, and I intend to perform the ceremony myself.”

“Do you indeed! I never said anything about proposing,” Harry countered, feeling his spirits lighten enough to banter with the old man. “That was your suggestion. I never agreed to it.”

Michael returned a wicked grin. “Well, it’s about time you used the altar for its proper purpose, my boy. Don’t you think?”

25th January 1845, Holbrook House, Sussex.

“Oh, Lana, but you must come. After all the hard work you put in,” Cat pleaded, but Alana only shook her head.

She put the book she’d been pretending to read aside and looked up at Cat.

“No. I have a headache. I don’t want to go. It’s all set up and ready. I checked this morning that everything was as it should be, so you don’t need me.”

“Need you?” Cat said in disgust. “We want you to come, you ridiculous girl. It won’t be half so much fun without you.”

“Well, it will be even less fun with me,” she said frankly.

Cat gave a frustrated little growl and sat down in the chair opposite her. “I could strangle that blasted vicar,” she said furiously.

“Get in line,” Alana said with a sigh.

“What business has he got kissing you and making you fall in love with him if he’s going to treat you like a leper the next minute?”

“I’m not in love with him,” Alana snapped, glowering. She was beginning to wish she’d not confided in Cat at all. “Right at this moment, I’m not certain I even like him very much.”

“Well, good. You ought not to like him after he’s treated you so shabbily. I’m very tempted to give him a piece of my mind.”

“Don’t you dare!” Alana exclaimed, horrified, and knowing full well that Cat would. She was far too bold and too willing to defend her friends. She was loyal to a fault and could not bear to see anyone she cared for unhappy. “Truly, Cat, I don’t want you to. He’s right. It’s for the best. I want to be wanted and valued and cherished. With Oliver, I was valued, but not wanted. Not… Not how Harry wants me. But Harry doesn’t want a wife, so there’s no cherishing and valuing to be had there. Don’t you see? I want it all. No half measures. I’ll have it all, like Mama and Papa, or I’d rather not bother. I’ll be a wicked old woman like Cora and Dorcas. They seem to have had a lot of fun out of life.”

“A lot of husbands, too,” Cat remarked, and then gave a sigh. “But you’re right, of course. You deserve it all, and we shall find you the perfect man who will give you everything you want. And then Reverend Martin will be sick with jealousy and realise what a terrible mistake he made, and die of a broken heart,” she added with satisfaction.

“Cat!” Alana stared at her, shocked. “That’s an awful thing to say.”

Cat shrugged, unrepentant. “Well, kissing you so romantically and passionately and then saying you must stay away from each other was awful, too. He deserves a broken heart. Though perhaps I ought not to wish him to die of it,” she admitted grudgingly.