Page 70 of Love Lessons

And it was definitely a Landon day. A regroup and retreat day.

He walked to the bathroom and Dustin didn’t try to stop him.

He tried not to think while he was in the shower. He especially tried not to think about Dustin. But it was impossible, because Dustin, Daddy, had placed tender kisses in each of these places.

And it had been glorious. Truly, the only time he’d ever really lost himself in a scene like that. It had felt so visceral. So stupidly tender.

And then there was the earlier part of the evening. Did that mean that he was a middle? Or at least that he wanted a Daddy, even if it wasn’t for age play? And if so, how had he not figured it out in the past decade?

Dustin had seemed to figure it out right away. Or at least been interested in exploring it. Hell, maybe it had nothing to do with Landon at all. Maybe it was Dustin’s kink and Landon had just gotten to come along for the ride.

That thought froze his chest, even as he finally succumbed and let his eyes drip tears. What if Dustin was trying to figure out if he was a Daddy, but didn’t want to be Landon’s Daddy? What if all of that care and cuddling and fucking comic books was just Dustin trying to figure himself out?

God, that would fucking suck. Landon knew that Ash, though they joked about it, felt a little unmoored without a Daddy. What if he ended up getting used to Dustin, came to rely on him, and then had to go through the same thing when he moved on? Landon had treasured his independence, and if he gave it up and then had to reconstruct it all again on his own, he felt like it would destroy him.

Or maybe that was just the subdrop talking. He knew better than to take himself seriously right now. It was a terrible time to make decisions. Or even think about anything important.

He was just going to go through his morning like usual. Fake it ‘til you make it. And then come home and crash.

Chapter 14

Dustin

Dustin walked Landon to his car, hating that it made the most sense for them to drive to the munch separately.

Something was wrong, really wrong, and it wasn’t just that Landon was pushing him away.

He thought he’d done the right thing by letting Landon get more sleep, but now he was regretting not waking him up earlier. He’d let Landon sleep in until ten, even though they’d discussed before that they were both early risers.

Landon had disappeared into the shower after that. And by the time he came out and got dressed they barely had time to make it to the munch.

Landon hadn’t even eaten the bagel and fruit he’d made for him. It was probably still sitting on his bedside table, cracks furrowing through the cream cheese as it dried out.

Dustin walked down the block to his car. He contemplated for a moment just going home. Or better yet, Zhong’s place. He could just call it a day. Give up. Cuddle with Zhong and forget about this whole Dom thing.

He felt like an imposter. Like if he were a real Dom, he would have done it better. Figured something out. Forced Landon to talk last night instead of doing another scene.

Everything he’d tried with Landon had felt like a gamble. He tried to look relaxed and in charge no matter what Landon flung at him, but there were always some points where he was freaking out, worrying that he was pressing too hard or doing something Landon would hate. Worrying that he would send him away.

It was kind of awful, not at all like he’d expected D/s to be. When they said that the sub was always the one with the power, they sure weren’t fucking around.

He was constantly recalibrating and second-guessing, trying to figure out what Landon was saying, what Landon actually wanted, and, somewhere in there, what he wanted too. Last night had been a lot, and he was still working through some of it in his head.

He wasn’t seriously going to go anywhere but the munch though. If Landon was there, that’s where he would be, too.

He drove mindlessly, letting the GPS tell him when to turn, even when it took him the stupid, shorter way with more traffic.

Last night had just felt so right. And this morning definitely wasn’t.

He pulled into the first open spot behind the restaurant, only then thinking that maybe he should have parked next to Landon’s car. Though, that was silly. After this Landon was going over to see his sister and he was going home. Their cars didn’t need to be adjacent.

He wandered into the now-familiar restaurant, slipping his ear plugs into his ears. Landon, of course, was already hovering over one end of the table, deep in verbal conversation.

But Ash was sitting somewhere in the middle, signing with a man that Dustin hadn’t met. He pulled out a chair for himself and tossed his sweatshirt over the chair beside him to claim it for Landon.

He felt a little uncertain doing it, but it wasn’t like he was claiming Landon. Just saving him the seat that he would have probably chosen anyway in the unofficial ASL section of the table.

He introduced himself to the new guy, who seemed nice enough. His name was Marco and he’d just moved to town, but clearly knew a lot more about BDSM than Dustin. He identified himself immediately as a Daddy, which of course Ash was all over.