Page 72 of Love Lessons

He took out his earplugs as soon as he got outside. Basically so that he could hear Landon running after him, like he’d half thought he would. Even though he didn’t stop.

“Dustin! Dustin!”

He walked faster.

But his key ring got caught on a stupid pen that he had in his pocket, and he couldn’t get the car door unlocked fast enough.

Then Landon was crashing into him, blocking the door with that goddamn adorable tremble to his lips. Why are you leaving?

Dustin stepped back, yielding access to his car to put some space between them. Landon was holding Dustin’s sweater, like he gave a shit about something so meaningless right now.

Why am I leaving? he exploded. What kind of question is that? I woke up in your bed this morning. We shared something last night that, and even if it didn’t mean shit to you because you do it all the time, it was really special to me. Like, the most magical night in my whole life.

Landon shrunk down in himself, tears dripping from his eyes like icy streams. But not the right tears. Not for the right reasons.

And this morning you acted like we barely even knew each other. You sat on my lap while you flirted with someone else. I know that you told me this was just practice. Just “lessons.” And I should have said “no.” Because I can’t do it. I don’t know if it’s me, or if it’s, what do they call it? Dom frenzy? Maybe I’m confusing what we do in bed with who we are together. But I don’t think so. And I’m kind of obsessed with you.

Landon started toward him, hands outstretched, but he batted them away.

Did you know that I think about you all the time? Not just like remembering things we did or planning what to do next. Like, all the damn time. I want to know when you get home from school and what you eat for dinner and when you go to sleep. I want to know where you go on your runs and what movies you watch and when you finish your lesson plans.

Landon stepped toward him again, but he stepped back, turning in the space between the cars to put more distance between them. He knew he was saying too much. Revealing far, far too much. But he might as well say it. Get it all out and make Landon realize why he couldn’t do any more stupid little “lessons.”

Because, Landon, because I’m apparently some sort of idiot who wants to be a part of your life, even though I’ve only known you for three months. And worse, I think I want to control a lot of that for you, too. I want to make sure that you know how amazing you are. I want to make you feel safe and cherished. I want to tell you when to do your homework and when to take a break and when to relax, just for me.

And I know you don’t want that. God, you couldn’t be more clear. But that’s why I’m leaving now.

He pushed Landon roughly away from the car door and didn’t even catch him when he stumbled.

The keys, thank God, came easily to his hand this time. And then he was pulling out of the parking lot.

Landon’s damp face was branded into his brain. Beautiful and miserable and shining with tears, like the light of the world was bouncing off his cheeks.

Dustin had been right before. Hurting Landon was so much worse than when he’d inadvertently hurt Alan.

Landon was an exotic bird who needed to be free, and he’d tried to force him into a cage. Now both of them were broken and bleeding, impaled by the sharp wires.

He should have known that he was only trapping himself.

Chapter 15

Landon

Landon didn’t know how long he stood in the parking lot. He moved out of the parking spaces to lean on a cement pillar and that was as far as he could manage.

He watched cars come and go. Some of them held people from the munch. Some were strangers. No one seemed to notice him, and that was fine with him.

He’d gone from devastated to just… nothing. Numb.

He saw a swirl of color in his peripheral vision, but he didn’t turn toward it or away. Even when it resolved into Ash in green tights, a brown sort of toga dress, and a scarf that looked like it was made of individual leaves. Like some sort of Robin Hood or forest sprite.

Ash pressed in closer. Do you want to talk about it?

Landon shrugged. He had no idea. Even deciding to talk about it seemed like too much of a decision for his shuttered mind.

Ash pulled him into a hug. At first it was awkward. They didn’t know each other that well, except for seeing each other once a month at munches where they were usually the only people who signed.

Ash was shorter than Landon and their leaf-scarf thing was scratchy. But their thin arms were strong, and when Landon started to move away, after that socially-acceptable-amount-of-time-for-a-hug, they just squeezed tighter.