Page 107 of The Blessing

There’s one last letter my dad saved. He sent my mom pictures of me graduating from elementary school. In the picture, I have a huge, toothy grin on my face as I held up my “diploma.” My mom wrote back, expressing how proud she was of me. I can’t help but wonder if she had known me growing up, if she still would’ve felt proud.

He’s wonderful, Arthur! He gets more and more handsome each year. I love him so much. Take care of our son. He’s the only piece of us we have. Can you believe this handsome, intelligent, and mature little boy is ours? He seems too good to be true. Give him an extra kiss for me, and an extra “I love you.” I love him more than I can begin to describe. Keep him safe and happy for me. Keep giving him the life that I couldn’t.

I let her letter fall to the floor in front of me. I lean over at my waist and bury my head in my hands. My son’s cries soon stir me from my contemplations. I take a deep breath, wipe the tears off of my face, and get up to check on him. I walk past my bedroom and see Ronnie bookmarking a page in her worn paperback before getting up, as well. I want to give her a break from taking care of Grey, and I also want some alone time with my son. He always helps me unwind, and after all that emotional shit, I definitely need it.

“It’s okay, babe,” I say, stopping her in her tracks. “I’ve got him.”

She gives me a small smile, her green eyes filled with concern, but she doesn’t say anything. I hug her tightly to me and kiss her temple, wanting her to know that I’m all right and there’s nothing she has to worry about. Her body relaxes against mine and she nuzzles her face against my chest before going back to her romance novel and letting me attend to my son.

Grey’s face is red and his arms and legs are swinging and kicking wildly about as he sobs. I scoop him up out of his crib and hold him against my chest, kissing his face until his cries become softer. I take him to the living room and sit with him in the rocking chair I have situated in the corner of the room. He’s calmer, and I am as well now that I’m holding him. I hadn’t realized how fucking tense I’d been until now that I have him wrapped safely in my arms.

“Daddy’s here. Everything’s all right.”

His eyes widen as he looks up at me. It seems that the baritone of my voice soothes him.

“It’s all right, Grey. I’m here, and everything’s fine.”

He blinks his eyes a few times before giving me a watery smile.

“Aw, buddy. Everything’s all right.”

He smiles wider, hiccups, and says, “Dada! Da, da, da!”

“I love you, buddy.”

He smiles and moves his mouth as if he were trying to form the words. Random sounds come out of his little mouth. It’s as though he was trying to say “I love you” to the best of his ability.

“I love you, son,” I tell him again.

He grins as he watches my mouth move and tries to tell me again that he loves me, too. I run my hand through his hair and watch him try to form the words before he finally gives up and says, “Dada.” Then he grabs my finger and pulls it toward his mouth.

“I love you, too, buddy.”