Page 109 of The Blessing

I hear a mirthless laugh escape her lips before she says, “It was hard. Leaving you was hard. After I gave you to your father, I hated myself. I felt like such a coward. I’m so, so sorry, sweetheart. I should’ve been there for you. I don’t even recognize the woman I was then. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I honestly thought leaving you with Arthur was the best decision I could’ve made. I thought if I ran away with you, Vincent would find me. If he found us—I couldn’t begin to imagine what he would’ve done.”

I shudder at the thought. If he was capable of abusing a fucking baby… Fuck, I can’t even imagine what else he could have done. Leaving could have been dangerous for the both of us and I know she couldn’t afford to take the chance. I can’t even begin to comprehend what she must’ve gone through; I don’t want to even think about the terror she endured after I was out of the picture.

“You did the right thing,” I finally say. “Thank you for that. For having the strength to let me go.” It sounds lame when I say it, but the words are spoken before I can contemplate them.

“I wanted to keep you so badly,” she responds with a soft sob. “I was so afraid you would hate me when you found out the truth.”

“I could never hate you.” My voice is commanding and colored with truth.

Fuck, how could I hate her? I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for her. She did the best she could for me.

“I love you, Trevor.”

“I love you, too,” I say without hesitation. “Those cards, though. God, they broke my fuck—” I stop immediately, feeling my cheeks heat up from my discomfort. “Freaking,” I correct myself apologetically, “heart. They were just so sad, I mean. Those children’s book quotes… why did you write that?”

“I missed reading to you,” she softly replies. “I used to read to you every night. I missed watching your eyes light up as you would listen to my voice and look at the pictures. The Giving Tree and Winnie-the-Pooh were your favorites. At least, they were my favorite books to read to you. I would read them every night after you were gone. I suppose it was my way of pretending you were still with me. They became so meaningful to me when you were no longer in my life to listen to them. I would read The Giving Tree to an empty room and just weep because I understood the story completely. I’d give you everything I had, Trevor, and after that, I’d still find a way to give you more. I would do anything for you because I loved you so much. Ultimately that’s why I was able to give you to your dad.”

I smile at her words, ignoring the tinge of sadness I feel when I think of her reading all alone. Our lives have been complete shit up until this point. Sure, they had their share of good times, but those “good” moments didn’t make up for everything else. Despite it all, we both have the chance to start fresh and make our lives better—together.

“You have me now,” I say in a clear voice. I don’t know what else to say, but I want to comfort her. I want to ensure her that everything will be all right. To lighten the melancholy mood, I add, “You can read to Grey anytime you like. He loves to be read to and sometimes I just need a break.”

“I would love to do that.” I can hear the smile in her voice. She pauses for a moment before asking, “Do you think you’ll have another baby with Ronnie?”

Fuck, another baby? I can’t seem to avoid thinking about it. Now that things are moving to the next level with Ronnie, the possibility of a baby is definitely on the table. But the thought of making a baby with her makes me want to pass the fuck out. Well, it’s not the making part that I’m opposed to, but instead, the new baby that would be a result from it is what’s unnerving to me.

“I don’t know, Mom,” I finally say.

“You two would make beautiful babies,” she insists.

I roll my eyes with a laugh. What a “mom thing” to fucking say. I’ve got to smile at the thought because it’s so nice to have a mom to even say those sorts of things to me. Evelyn definitely wouldn’t have said anything like that. However, Felicity seems to be a complete 180 degrees from her.

“Thanks, Mom.” I hear her yawn and I feel bad, once again, for calling her so late. “I’ll let you get back to sleep, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“It’s fine, Trevor,” she replies in a tired, but happy tone. “I always love talking to you. If you have any questions, you can always call me at any time—day or night. I know those letters were a lot to take in all at once, but I want you to know that I’m here for you no matter what.”

“Thanks, Mom. Get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Trevor,” she replies in a quiet, sweet voice.

“‘Night, Mom.”

After hanging up the phone up, I notice how relaxed my entire body feels. My mind is still reeling from what feels like an information overload but talking to my mom has calmed me down. I feel exhausted all of a sudden and rub the weariness from my eyes before letting my body collapse back against the couch. This day has been such a trip; I just want to close my eyes and sleep until tomorrow afternoon.

“Are you ready for bed, babe?”

I sit up and turn my head to find Ronnie leaning against the doorframe. She’s in one of the pairs of pajamas I purchased for her with my last paycheck. They look fucking sexy on her, but then again, everything looks fucking sexy on her. “Sorry, baby. Just got off the phone. It feels like I’ve been neglecting you all evening.”

She rolls her eyes and gives me a sleepy, yet seductive smirk as she makes her way over to me and sits on my lap. “You haven’t been neglecting me, Trev. I’m okay on my own sometimes, you know? But now that you’re done—I’d love for you to join me. It’s hard falling asleep without you to cuddle with.”

I roll my eyes and give her a little smirk of my own. Cuddling—my favorite fucking thing. I guess I don’t mind cuddling so much. Especially, when it’s post sex. However, when she wraps her arms around my neck, all I get is a face full of her hair and an instantaneous erection. Which ends up being neglected and uncomfortable until I manage to fucking tame it. Regardless of all that shit, I guess I do like holding her.

“Let me get ready for bed and then I’ll join you,” I give her a nudge to get off me. When she does, I jump off the couch and give her ass a nice slap as I walk past her on my way to the bathroom.

Feeling exhausted, I’m quick to get ready. When I finally make it to my bed, I find Ronnie with the covers pulled up to her chin. She looks so adorable like this. Her eyes widen as I make my way toward her completely naked. I have to smirk at her expression. While I do love turning her on—that’s not the only reason I usually sleep in the nude. Mostly, I do it because it’s nice and comfortable. Well, who am I kidding? I also do it because my girl seems to like it.

I join her beneath the covers, and she immediately wraps her arms around me, getting comfortable. I thought I wasn’t in the mood for sex due to all the emotional shit I endured an hour before, but when she wraps her warm, soft, little body around me—my cock has other plans. She must sense my desire because I feel her smile against my skin before she begins to nip at my neck. Her lips feel amazing against my flushed skin and my cock becomes rock hard as her lips make their descent down my chest. Any negative feelings I may have had before joining her on this bed seem to fade away. All I can focus on now is how incredible she feels.

“Let me take care of you,” she whispers against my chest before her lips move to the place I want her most.