Page 84 of All In

“I don’t understand. That story you told…” He starts pacing again, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “About asking me to marry you.”

My blood runs cold. “What about it?”

“That’s the lie, but I can’t figure out how.”

I shake my head. “That’s not a lie, Harlow. You were there when it happened. You know it’s true.”

He stops pacing, then turns his full attention to me, walking into my personal space. I hold my breath as he gets closer, his blue eyes sweeping over my face before he steps back. My hands are still sweating, but I resist the urge to wipe them on my pants.

“Did you mean it?” he asks softly, and my stomach damn near turns inside out.

“Did I mean what?”

He scoffs. “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid. You know what I mean. Did you mean it? Did you really want to marry me?”

My entire body goes numb, a hot pit burning in my stomach. Saying nothing is probably the best move. But it’s not really. Whether he realizes it or not, Harlow has me backed into a corner. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Don’t even think about lying to me again. Did you… did you want to marry me, Gray?” His words come out choked and broken, and my heart cracks open. I knew it would end up like this. I knew this was going to be bad. I knew it would never work out. “And I don’t mean in a ‘haha we got married in Vegas’ way.”

I swallow hard, turning my head.

“Talk to me.” Stepping into my space again, he cups my face, forcing my gaze back to his. His hands are warm and soft, and I’ve gotten so, so used to him touching me. I have no idea how to give it up. But I also have no idea how to tell him the truth. I’ve been hiding it from him our entire lives.

“I can’t,” I whisper, the tightness in my throat making anything louder impossible. “We… we should—I don’t know. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“This?” Harlow asks, dropping his hands and stepping back. “What do you mean?”

“This marriage thing.”

He barks out a laugh. “Yeah, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

“I…” I choke on the word, having to clear my throat before I can continue. “I wanted to annul our marriage because I knew it would turn out bad.”

His eyes flash with pain. “You knew it would turn out bad? You knew you’d lie to me? You knew it’d be some bullshit? Is that it?”

I shake my head, wishing I could take the words back.

He snorts a humorless laugh. “Wow.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I say, holding my hands out in front of me.

“The fucking truth.” He runs his hands through his hair, tugging on the strands. “You told me that nothing would change our friendship. You’ve never lied to me. Never. And now you’re just… you’re fucking lying to me, and I can’t figure out why.”

I’ve been lying to him for years. Since I was a kid. Always. I’ve always been lying to him. I can’t stop now. I don’t know how. The idea is terrifying. It’s awful. Gut-wrenching. Nerve-racking.

“You don’t have anything to say?”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I whisper again.

He raises an eyebrow. “I want the truth, Gray. I just want the fucking truth.”

I’ve been holding on to this for so long that I don’t know how to open my mouth and let the words come out.

“Tomorrow,” he says, taking a step away from me, “I’m going to call my mom and ask if I can come stay with them, and we can talk to someone—a lawyer or whatever—and file for divorce.”

Panic rushes through my veins, my heart dropping. I don’t like that at all.

Harlow turns on his heel and starts to walk away. I can’t let him go. Not like this. I can’t. I can’t fucking lose him like this.