Page 86 of All In

I pull back, even though I don’t want to. Given the way he chases my mouth, he doesn’t want me to either. “What are you sorry for?”

His face crumples. “For lying to you.”

My heart aches at his tone. “Gray—”

“I just didn’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you. And I thought if I told you—” He stops talking with a shake of his head.

God. I can’t even imagine how this must have felt for him. All these years? Me with Josh. He planned my bachelor party. He was gonna be my best man.

He… Fuck, he fixed my hair the morning I was supposed to marry another man.

My throat goes tight, my eyes burning again.

Then waking up married to me. I can’t even begin to imagine that. Waking up and all your dreams have come true, but not really. Not really at all. Because it wasn’t real. His dream, but not. Some twisted version of it.

All the nights I crawled into his bed and snuggled into him. “It must have been torture.”

Gray cocks his head. “What?”

I glance up at him, staring into his eyes. Eyes I’ve looked into a million times. Eyes I know like my own. Eyes so familiar to me that I’d know them anywhere. “Loving me.”

“What?” he chokes out. “Never.”

“You fixed my hair on the morning of my fucking wedding, Grayson.”

That seems to shut him up, but only for a second. “Yeah, but… I would do anything for you.”

Fuck, of course he would. “Right. Because you love me.”

His eyes fall shut. “Yes, Harlow. Because I love you.”

I have no idea what to do. No idea what to say. “I don’t know what happens now,” I whisper.

“Nothing.” He opens his eyes, searching my face. “Nothing has to happen. I’m sorry that I—that I did all this under false pretenses.”

“False pretenses?” I echo.

He nods. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have done that. You didn’t know how I felt, but I did, and I… it was wrong of me to… fuck—” He shakes his head, dropping his eyes. “It was wrong of me to agree to a sexual relationship with you. You didn’t know, and it was just so wrong.”

It didn’t feel wrong. Nothing about being with Gray feels wrong. Not a single bit of it. If anything, it feels like the most right thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Like kissing him for the first time snapped something into place in my soul.

“I’m pretty sure getting married was my idea,” he says, rambling on. “It had to be. I’ve wanted it for so, so long. Why would it not be my idea? And I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry that I roped you into all of this.”

Rambling is usually my thing, but Gray inhales a deep breath like he’s gearing up to go again, and I reach up, pressing my finger to his lips to get him to stop for a second.

He stares at me with wide, terrified eyes. I still don’t know what any of this means, and I think I need to sleep on it. I’m impulsive at the best of times. I know this. It’s a flaw. A massive one.

I saw myself kissing Gray, and I wanted more. I kissed him, and then I wanted sex. I convinced him to stay married to me. I convinced him to make it a “real” marriage. This can’t be like that. Because I’m pretty fucking sure that I don’t want a divorce at all. I’m pretty sure I want to be with Gray for the rest of my life.

I want to sleep in his arms and kiss him and wake up next to him. I want my entire future to be with him, but I also want to think about it. For once in my goddamn life, I want to think about how my actions might affect him.

How I acted before I knew he was in love with me was one thing. Now that I know? I can’t just pretend that doesn’t matter. I can’t just act like it’s nothing. I can’t tell him I love him back until I’m sure. I owe him that much. After everything I’ve put him through, it’s the least I owe him.

Swallowing down my nerves, I drop my hand from his lips. “I want to go to bed.”

His chest rises, then falls, his face falling with it. “Of course. Please don’t talk to your mom yet, though. You can take the guest room, and I promise I won’t bother you.” His eyes go glassy. “I promise I won’t. Just—”

“Gray,” I say, cutting him off. Jesus Christ, what is happening here? “Together. I want to go to bed together. If you want that. I know everything’s all fucked up. I guess I can sleep in the guest room if you want me to.”