Page 60 of Heart’s Rescue

I know what I need to say. No, or leave me alone, or just absolutely nothing at all. Lie here like a stone and let her draw her own conclusions. I open my lips.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

It’s utterly quiet inside the little canvas shelter. Snow hisses against the fabric. Something cracks deep inside the fire. I have just long enough to think she’s changed her mind when Arryn’s fingers brush the ragged edge of my ear.

My insides flop like a fish on a hook. She’s so gentle, so careful. Her fingers trace the healed-over scars on my ears where Charay used her silver knife to cut away the blackened, dead flesh. My breath catches on my lips. I’m trembling; my hands curl into fists. I’ve had lovers, of course, usually women trying for Phaedron who somehow ended up in my bed instead. But none of them have ever touched my voids-damned, fucked up, frostbitten ears. Why would they?

Arryn’s fingers drop to the curve of my neck, and I realize my vision’s gone blurry. Like with tears. Like her touch has me completely undone.

“Rowan?” she whispers.

I can’t even answer. I nod my head, knowing she’ll feel the movement.

“May I kiss them?” she asks.

Oh, voids. Voids, it’s too much. I pull whatever’s left of myself back together. This is just like when she was dying from hypothermia. She’s lost it; whatever grasp on sanity she had when she fell from her world into mine has just snapped. Maybe she’s got her eyes closed and she’s pretending I’m her stupid monster prince or something. I pull myself away from her, drawing my head toward the canvas wall and the snow outside.

“Arryn,” I say, and her name comes out as almost a growl. “You don’t want this.”

Her hand leaves my neck. The air between us suddenly feels much colder.

“Rowan,” she says.

That’s it. That’s all. Just my name, in a tone that’s not exactly a question. Not exactly a request.

I could ignore it. Voids, I should ignore it. I force my eyes closed and draw in a deep breath. I’ll just pretend I’m asleep. I’ll just act like one stupid moment, one brush of skin against skin, didn’t just leave me totally unraveled and shaking like a newborn lamb.

“Yeah?” I say, my breath leaving my lungs in a huff.

Nothing. Arryn shifts slightly. I can almost feel her dark eyes burning against the back of my neck. Okay, so she wants me to turn around. She wants to say whatever it is she has to say to my face. Or, voids, maybe she just wants to slap me.

Fine. I’m going to ignore it. I’m going to ignore her, it, everything, this entire horrible, awkward situation.

Really.