Page 61 of Heart’s Rescue

Arryn

Take What You Need

My hands are shaking, my heart feels like it’s about to burst free from the cage of my ribs, and, stars, even my mouth has gone dry.

What was I thinking? I’ve never been so forward in my entire life. Of course Rowan rejected it; I was acting like— like—

Like the kind of woman who’d scream after crossing a river. Or drink alcohol with strange men she’d just met. Or try to kiss someone who very clearly wasn’t interested in her. I swallow hard around the familiar swell of guilt inside my chest. Being trapped down here is turning me into someone else. Someone I hardly recognize.

And I like it. That’s the worst part, the part that makes me flush with heat and freeze with shame at the same time. I liked using my fire magic and cheering at the top of my lungs when we’d made it across the river. I’d liked the feel of Rowan's body in my arms, the solid, warm strength of him. I’d liked the way his magic wound around my legs, how it had pressed against my clothes, hot and thick and restless, how it had made me flush with molten heat that had pooled between my legs.

I like the woman I’ve become down here, Arryn of the Lands Below. She’s brave enough to cross a frozen river. Bold enough to touch a beautiful man. She’s stubborn and wild and improper, all of the things I’ve tried my entire life to crush out of myself, all of the things I could never be. And I like her so much it hurts.

But we’ve just crossed another river, Rowan and I, and now I’m on one edge of the water and he’s on another. I try to pull in a breath. Rowan's pale hair and the tattered edge of his ear blur as stupid, stupid tears leak into my vision.

Well, I tried. This new, wild Arryn tried, Rowan ignored me, and I’m not going to humiliate myself any further. I sigh and flop down into the bed roll, trying as hard as I can not to touch the beautiful man next to me. Trying to make my body as small as possible.

But Rowan moves. The furs yank tight around me, then relax as he rolls over. His pale eyes catch mine. My chest feels tight; my cheeks burn. This is what I wanted, of course. I had something to say, had the words all lined up in my mind, I just hadn’t wanted to say them to the back of his head. But now— Stars, the words I’d prepared suddenly feel like smoke.

“Yeah?” Rowan says.

His eyes are wide, his lips parted. His voice is hardly more than a whisper, but it seems to carry something more than that one word.

I pull in a breath and line the words up once more in my mind. I can do this. I’m the daughter of the most successful merchant in the Kingdom of the Summer, after all. I’ve practically been raised in the Royal Court. By all the stars and the moon above, I can force eloquence to work for me. Under any circumstances. Even under these circumstances.

“Rowan,” I say, meeting those intense blue eyes. I shiver. “Don’t tell me what I don’t want.”

He pulls back slightly, and I have the sudden impression he’d been expecting me to say something very different.

“I mean it,” I continue. “My entire life, people have been telling me what I want and what I don’t want.”

I pause; the truth of what I’ve just said hits me now that it’s out in the open. It’s like being punched in the gut.

“I hate it,” I say. The words feel like ice breaking under my feet. “I want to make up my own mind. I want to decide what I like and what I don’t like. What I want and what I don’t want.”

I swallow hard. The inside of the shelter is so quiet that I can almost hear my mother screaming at me in another world.

“Okay,” Rowan says, slowly.

He’s watching me with wide eyes, but he doesn’t seem horrified. He’s not looking at me like I’ve just taken my entire life off the display shelf, thrown it to the floor, and then crushed it beneath my heels.

“So, what do you want?” he asks.

Stars, I would have thought that was obvious! I lean forward slowly, crossing the distance between us, and press my lips gently to his. Then I pull back.

“I mean,” I stammer. “If you want it too.”

Rowan blinks. For a moment he looks almost like he’s lost, and then his eyes fall back to mine.

“Yeah,” he says. Pink creeps across his cheeks as his eyes dart from the fire to me to the roof of the shelter. “I mean, of course, I— You, you’re beautiful, and funny, and— I mean, yeah.”

His voice fades to a whisper. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. His words are so ridiculous that a giggle slips through my lips.

“Beautiful?” I say, and the word is followed by another horribly improper giggle. I feel like I’m drunk. “I’m wearing—”

I gasp as Rowan's fingers reach forward and trace the bare skin of my arm. I’m wearing his clothes, of course, his red shirt and the thin silk underwear that’s the only thing I still have from the Worlds Above. Another shiver snakes across my body as Rowan runs his fingers along my forearm, and some distant, fuzzy part of my mind wonders why I’m shivering when his touch is so warm.

“And, my hair,” I gasp, trying desperately to explain myself. To justify why he could not possibly mean what he just said. Beautiful. “I— It’s a mess.”