Page 126 of Scarred Crown

There’s already a band of discomfort around my chest at the thought of discussing anything to do with Alex. Although I have a better understanding of what happened all those years ago, my imagination ran rampant at even the hint of something going on between them. And Alex dropped a lot of hints. While I know they weren’t together for very long at all, that most of what I believed was manipulation and imagination, there’s a part of me deep inside that still feels like they were intimately connected for years.

My stupid fucking brain that can’t remember getting married—likely the happiest I’ve ever been—but can vividly remember all sorts of terrible and sordid imaginary scenarios I dreamed up about Alex and Jules. They’ve played on repeat so many times, whether or not I called them up, that the pretend has become the real.

No matter what I refuse to let my incompetent brain ruin what my heart has been begging for since that night in the barn. I’ve got her, and I won’t let some unresolved insecurities tear us apart. I might not have been better than that then, but I am now.

Since Julia texted she’d be back to our suite of rooms soon, I’ve started the bathwater. She likes it hot, deep, and bubbly. Or at least I hope she still does. The last time she had a bubble bath in my deep jacuzzi tub was after the Bellerive Charity Half-Marathon when we were fifteen.

So many memories.

So many years wasted being upset about smoke and mirrors, nothing of substance.

“What’s this all about?” Julia asks from the doorway of the en suite.

When I glance in her direction, she’s already shedding clothes, an amused expression on her face.

“A bubble bath built for two?” I suggest.

“Wine spritzers and a bubble bath.” She places her hands on her curvy naked hips.

All of a sudden, I’m feeling overdressed. Easy enough to solve. I grab the back of my shirt and tug it over my head.

Naked, she wanders over and places a gentle kiss on my lips. She stills my hands on the waistband of my gray sweats.

“Allow me,” she murmurs.

“If I allow you, we might not even make it into the bathtub,” I say. This time, I’m not letting anything but my brain lead. Willpower is a thing I will possess. Today. Right now.

She slides her hand along the front of my sweatpants, and when she glances up at me, I snag her lips in a searing kiss.

Fucking willpower. Who needs it?

My pants and underwear hit the floor, and when I lift her up, she wraps her legs around my waist. I step out of my tangle of clothes and press her against the door.

She kisses me deeply, and then her fingers graze the hair just above my ear. “I love you Nicholas Edward Summerset.”

There’s tenderness in the depths of her blue-gray eyes, and it’s a look that reminds me of ones I received from her a long time ago. Deep love and friendship are a lot more connected than I ever would have believed at sixteen.

“I’ve never loved anyone else the way I love you,” I say gruffly.

She wiggles, and my erection lands at her entrance. Her gaze lights up with desire and a trace of teasing humor. “Say it again once you’re inside me.”

No need to ask me twice. I thrust into her, and she tightens her legs around me.

“I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you,” I murmur against her ear.

“Oh, Nick,” she gasps, digging her hands into my hair and drawing my mouth back to hers.

We’re kissing, tongues tangling, and her body is so warm, so soft. It’s the first time in my life I’ve had true empathy for addicts. I cannot get enough of Jules. Quitting her would kill me.

###

Jules sweeps her wine glass off the sideboard and settles against my chest, bubbles foaming around us. I take a sip from my own glass, working up the nerve to mention Alex. Somehow in the sex haze, I almost convinced myself we didn’t need to discuss him. If I see them together like that again, I might lose my shit.

“How long did you say you and Alex were together that summer?” I try to keep my voice light, unassuming.

She tenses against me. “A few weeks. Maybe a month or two? It was—it was quite a bit of the summer.”

“And the night of my father’s birthday—”