Page 46 of The Intimacy of Control

I don’t work tomorrow

Jackson

I’m helping Callum with something tomorrow. Wanna do something tomorrow night?

He was taking initiative. It warmed my heart enough that I thought maybe we could have a chance. Maybe I could ease his fears.

Sure. Keep me posted

Jackson

Ok. Consider it a… date. Friend date.

Whatever you say sweetie

I wasn’t going to consider it anything. I was going to take it for what it was. I got to spend time with Jack, and that was really all that mattered to me. As long as he kept showing up, I’d keep showing up, too. I’d keep showing him that it was okay. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was showing him, but he had to find comfort in it if he kept seeing me.

Don’t worry, Jack. I’ve got you. I’ll take control. I’ll make it all safe for you, no matter how that looks for you.

chapter seventeen

We’d officially entered the first warm day of the year. Fishy was running around the backyard, his ears flopping back with each bounce into the air. I liked watching him. He seemed so dang happy, and it almost made me envious of him.

Callum pulled his mask off—courtesy of Tobi—and swiped a hand over his face, catching the sweat that’d built up. “Fuck. I’m not used to getting hot while working yet.”

I snickered, sitting on the fold-out chair in front of his shop. “Wait until the rain starts coming through. Hot and rainy. New York’s special weather combo.”

“Oh, New York has nothin’ on Arkansas summers. Sorry to say.” Tobi shook his head. “I’m glad Mom agreed to come up here instead of us going down there. We ain’t got spring, we just have cold, confusing, then suddenly blazing hot until November.”

“One thing I definitely don’t miss about California. How damn hot it was.”

“Yeah, y’all had dry heat, right? We got so much humidity you’d be drowning in the middle of the day.”

Callum threw a piece of wood into the shed and dusted his hands. “I think I’d take dry over humid any day. I’m not looking forward to seeing your mom during the summer over there.” He put his hands on his hips and sighed. “Well, I guess I’m ready. If you two are, of course.”

I glanced at Tobi, who nodded in return. “Yeah, Cal. Let’s go.”

We were finally going to his grandpa’s house for the first time since he’d died. Callum wasn’t sure if he was ready to do a big cleanout yet or not, but he wanted to take those first steps. Start in one room and see how it went. I’d told him I’d have his back every step of the way, and so would Tobi.

Nothing could plug the hole grief left in our hearts, but family, in the form of friendship, could help make it feel less empty. It was something I understood at the most intimate level.

Callum let me drive. I’d already set up for a dumpster rental, and it was waiting for us when we got there. He’d argued with me about paying for it, but I’d reminded him that he’d do the same for me. That got him to shut up for the most part. He’d still glared at me, but I took it as a sign of love and appreciation.

“I can’t believe how normal it looks.” He was whispering, staring out the windshield. “The last time I was here, I’d run into the house, terrified of what I’d find. For good reason, too. I thought maybe he’d fallen. I thought maybe he’d broken a hip. I wasn’t expecting to find him half-dead already.”

I reached over the console and squeezed his arm. “One step at a time, Cal. One step at a time.”

“How am I supposed to go in there like he hadn’t whispered his last words to me on the kitchen floor? Like I hadn’t held him as he…”

“Baby,” Tobi leaned forward, placing his hand right above mine on Callum’s arm. “We’re here with you, okay? So is Grandpa Stanton. Remember? He’s not on the kitchen floor in pain. He’s in your heart. You can do this.”

“And you’re not doing it alone. Just like Tobi said.”

Callum closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. You’re right. Let’s go.”

“One step at a time.” I turned the car off. “You can do this.” I slowly pushed my door open, got out, and turned to him. “We’re here with you.”

Tobi was the next to get out, rounding the car to the passenger side. If Cal couldn’t open it, then he could lean on Tobi to do it for him.