Page 67 of Head Under Water

“Is everything all right?” Paul’s voice sounds like it’s in a tunnel. Like I’m underwater, and he’s shouting at me from above the surface. It’s funny, even with my head too far underwater to hear Paul clearly, I seem to be able to understand Will without him saying a word.

He’s in the depths with me, sinking into our shared darkness.

All it takes is a single look, and I know what he’s thinking. I feel the dark current of his wrath as if I’m caught in it. His gaze is like a palm brushing my skin.

I pull back and shake my head. “I’m so sorry. I should go.”

Paul’s smile is soft, and to his credit, he doesn’t seem to take offense. “Is he an ex of yours?”

He’s followed my gaze toward Will. I’m mortified. I wrinkle my nose in disgust. “Absolutely not.”

His eyes study mine. “I don’t mind being used to make him jealous. Not if it means I get to spend time with you.” His hand strokes my thigh cautiously. “If that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want to make him jealous. I want him to go away.”

“Paul, you playing?” A voice comes from behind him, interrupting us.

“Uhh…” He doesn’t answer but looks back at me. His expression is strange, almost guilty.

“Playing?” I ask.

A nervous laugh bubbles out of him. “Strangers in the Dark. Have you heard of it?”

I give a quick shake of my head.

“There’s a barn over there with four rooms inside. Like stalls, but bigger. And closed off from each other. Private.” He points to a building I can barely make out in the distance. “So four people go inside and wait in the dark and another four people go in after them. It’s totally with consent, of course. But you can do whatever you want within the time limit, without trying to prove anything or impress anyone. It’s just a game, so…” He looks down with an embarrassed laugh. “I guess it—well, it takes the pressure off, you know? I don’t have that much experience, and girls don’t turn me down there.” He’s quick to add, “For kissing, I mean. I’ve never… I don’t…”

I put a hand on his. The idea lights a shadowy corner in my mind. “So it’s about being anonymous? That’s why you like it?”

He shrugs. “It makes it fun, I guess. You could…pretend it’s him. If you wanted to. It won’t bother me.”

I toss the idea around. If Jess were here, she’d be shoving me forward, urging me to play. To give in. Have fun.

He kisses me again, then pulls away, his breathing shaky. “It’s okay. We don’t have to.”

I chew my bottom lip.

I shouldn’t want to. It’s risky. I should stay right here. Or better yet, go back to my dorm and go to sleep.

But this year could be different for me. I could be braver. I could try new things. I could stop waiting for Banks to care and go after the fun I promised myself I’d have.

I take his hand. “When does it start?”

A smile spreads across his lips. “Wait here,” he says. “I’ll go see.”

He moves around the fire toward a group of guys guarding one of the coolers. My skin buzzes, warm from the fire and the alcohol and my adrenaline.

This is going to be good for me. It’s going to get me out of my comfort zone.

The hair on the back of my neck stands at attention without warning, interrupting my thoughts. Will is no longer in his seat across the fire. My skin prickles.

I feel him before I see him.

When I glance over my shoulder, he’s there. Just a few feet away. Watching.

As he catches my eyes, his head tilts. “You’re really going to play?”

“Play what?” I ask, buying time.