Page 60 of Tanner

“Ah,” he says as if he’s waving me off, “I didn’t tell you all that to get emotional. It just came out. Rough night, remember?” I can hear him putting a pan in the sink and running the water. He shuts it off. “You asked how I knew if Mommy was the one. There’s no easy answer. I just knew.”

“No, I get it. I totally get it.”

“You know, she might not be here with us like she used to be, but I can live a lifetime on the memories we’ve shared.”

When Aaron and I broke up, I opted to sleep on April’s couch instead of going home to my old room. I lied and said it was because the commute was too long, which it is, but I honestly can only stand the visits with them in short bursts. To watch my mom deteriorate as my dad cares for her like a father should for a small child is heartbreaking.

He doesn’t ask for help other than the occasional weekend, so he can run errands or play a round of pool with his friends. He needs to get out to keep his sanity, and I need to sit with my mom alone and look through photo albums of happier times.

The romance my father still has with my mother is one-sided, but it’s strong. I could never love a man like Aaron, who thinks a fling is acceptable. I want the real deal. A man who will cherish me and only me and who I will vow the same thing right back. Because the person I give my forever to will be getting it all. In sickness and in health. Till death do us part.

“I’ll say a prayer to Saint Anthony for you to find that special someone.”

“You’re supposed to pray to him if you lose something.”

“Lost, looking—it’s all the same. I’ll light a candle at mass tomorrow.”

“I love you, Daddy,” I say, fighting the tears I feel pricking my eyes.

“Love you, too, sweet pea. I have no doubt, you’ll do just fine. You know, there’s a movie Mommy made me watch a few years ago about a younger guy and older woman that you might like. It had Michelle Pfeiffer in it; that’s the only reason I agreed to watch it.”

I laugh at his admission. She always knew how to get her way.

He continues, “It was a book they made into a movie, so of course, she read the book first. It was a French classic called Chéri, but she was able to find the English version. You should read it. I bet you’d like it.”

“Okay, I’ll check it out. If you can, give her a big hug for me.”

“Will do.”

We hang up, and my heart is both healed and broken at the same time. I know what I want. I just need to figure out a way to move past my own insecurities.

* * *

It took me a little longer than normal to get out of the house today. My mind keeps going to Tanner and what I should say or do. I also have Willa front and center in my thoughts. I shouldn’t have judged her like that. It’s none of my business what she wants to do or with whom. I was just upset with myself, and I took it out on her.

When the bell finally rings for recess, I head straight to her classroom. She’s chatting with a student in the corner when I clear my throat to get her attention. Her face tells me she’s not happy with me, but I stand up straight and head toward her, waiting for my turn to speak to her.

After the student exits the room, I hold out my hands to her. “I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have given you an attitude about Ryan.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” She crosses her arms, her long, dark hair cascading down one side of her neck.

“I was upset and took it out on you. Sometimes, I forget how young you are—”

“How young I am? I’m in my twenties and a goddamn schoolteacher. There’s nothing young about me.”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, casual one-night stands are more appropriate for someone who is—”

“You do remember that you, too, went home with Tanner the first night you met him.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m such a mess right now. I don’t know what I’m doing or thinking, and I … I’m sorry.”

“Why did you leave anyway?”

“I’m an idiot?” I shrug.

Something in my self-deprecating comment has her dropping her arms and sarcastically speaking with an eye roll, “Well, yeah, we already established that.”

Her mouth curves up, and I relax at the sight of her dimple.