Page 79 of Serve ’N’ Protect

“How’s Tango adjusting to retirement?” Markus asked.

Kade snorted and Smoke lifted his big head, fixing intelligent, chestnut-brown eyes on Kade. “Very well, I assume. He’s staying with my folks in Jersey while I’m down here. Knowing Mom, she’s slipping him scraps from the table, and he’s probably gained five pounds by now.”

“You guys better not be talking about me.” Trista waddled into the living room, one hand pressed to the small of her back and one on her extremely large, extremely pregnant belly. “I think I’ve gained twice as much weight this time around.” She lowered herself into an overstuffed armchair in front of the fireplace. “Trust me, guys. Don’t ever get pregnant. Everything swells up. Your feet, your face, and everything in between.”

“Okay, we won’t,” Markus said.

Kade grinned as he looked at Joey. “Kids are great.”

Markus had always been envious of Kade’s natural way with people, including kids. And women. Back in New Jersey, he had a long list of girlfriends and all of them looked like they’d stepped off the cover of a magazine. Every one of Kade’s dates always wore fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, and perfect makeup.

Cassidy didn’t need all those embellishments. She was beautiful just the way she was and—

Hell, he still couldn’t stop thinking about her. No matter how much he tried to keep his mind busy with other things, everything made him think about her.

Ghost and Sheba, Matt’s K-9, lay on their sides, back-to-back on the floor and sleeping soundly. Sheba was the prettiest Belgian Malinois Markus had ever seen, and Ghost was no dummy. His dog had fallen in love the second they’d walked in the door. Luckily, Smoke was younger than Ghost and smart enough not to try and steal an older dog’s girlfriend.

Shit. Even Ghost was better at relationships than he was.

Matt came in carrying two more beers and handed one to Markus.

“Thanks.” Markus accepted the bottle, not really wanting it. He was doing a damn good job moping around and wallowing in self-pity as it was. Alcohol would only make it worse. The more of it he drank, the more he thought about Cassidy and how much he missed her. Didn’t help any that he’d dreamed about her every night since leaving Leonardtown.

Matt sat on the arm of Trista’s chair then leaned in to drop a gentle kiss on her head. “How’s the gut doing?” he asked Markus.

“Still a little tight, but good.” In the last few days, he and Ghost had begun slow, easy runs around Matt and Trista’s property. It would still be a while before he was back in top shape, but he was improving every day.

Trista gasped then tugged Matt’s hand to her belly. “Can you feel that?”

Matt’s brow furrowed then his face lit with the biggest smile Markus had ever seen on the guy. “He’s a kicker, that’s for sure.”

“She,” Trista corrected. “Like it or not, Sgt. Connors, you need to get ready because I believe we’re going to have a little girl.”

Kade chuckled. “Little girls were invented so fathers can realize how much they don’t want their daughters meeting someone just like them. When Rosa, my six-year-old niece, grows up, she’s going to be prettier than—” He broke off, his eyes taking on a faraway look. “Well, anyway,” he added quickly, taking a swig of beer and swallowing. “She’ll be beautiful.”

Matt rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “God help me.” He clasped Trista’s small hand in his immensely larger one and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingers reverently before returning his hand to her belly and holding it there, still grinning like a fool.

Seeing his friends this way was like a knife twisting in his gut all over again. The intimate glances and tender touches they shared every day… It was both painful to watch and, at the same time, enlightening.

Matt and Trista had it. His other friends had found it, too. Nick and Andi. Eric and Tess. Hell, he never thought he’d see the day, but even Dayne had found it with Katrina. That elusive thing that had always been just out of reach in Markus’s life.

Love.

He really did want it. He just hadn’t been able to let himself get it.

Cassidy’s words came back to him, twisting that knife in deeper until he could practically feel the tip of its blade nicking his heart.

When you’re in love, you just know it. The person you love is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think of before you go to sleep. And, when they’re not with you, you think about them. They’re always in your thoughts, and you’re not whole without them.

“Markus?”

Wasn’t he sitting here, thinking about her? Hadn’t he thought of her every goddamn night before bed and the second he woke in the morning? Worse, he wasn’t himself without her. The time he’d spent with her had been the only time in his life that he had felt whole.

“Markus?”

Matt’s dark brows rose. Trista’s green gaze filled with concern. On the other end of the sofa, Kade sent him a knowing look. Over the last five days, they’d all figured out he was mooning like a sad sack but had courteously not brought up Cassidy’s name. Kade, especially, understood. All those picture-perfect women he dated were an equally sad excuse for the one woman he could never have. At least Kade was capable of recognizing those emotions and feelings. Markus didn’t know which was worse—knowing you’re in love with someone you can never have, or not being capable of loving someone and wishing more than anything that you could.

Ghost and Sheba raised their heads, giving Markus equally sympathetic looks before lowering their heads back down as if the problem had already been solved.