Page 6 of Big Trouble

WALKER: That little dude from Monopoly. He looks like a Winslow. Winslow Archibald Cummings, III.

ME: That’s weirdly specific.

WALKER: You asked.

TUCKER: Why’re you asking?

ME: I hired a new nanny via this agency. Perfect qualifications. The name on the file was Winslow Ashcroft.

TUCKER: Oh shit. This is gonna be good.

ME: Y’all know this time I preferred a male nanny.

WALKER: Technically I believe they’re called mannies .

JACE: We get it, man. None of us wanna see our kids heartbroken if another woman leaves.

TUCKER: I’m still waiting on the fucking punchline.

ME: Yes! Winslow is a woman. She goes by Winnie.

TUCKER: Fucking hilarious.

ME: Laugh it up, chuckles.

JACE: What did you do?

ME: Fired her sassy ass.

ME: Of course it didn’t do any good.

JACE: She refused to be fired?

ME: Kind of. But also Clem had already met her.

TUCKER: And the damage was done.

ME: It gets worse.

TUCKER: You are making my day, Callahan.

ME: Fuck you.

ME: Clem moved “Winslow” to the guest bedroom suite...

ME: Which happens to be right above my room.

JACE: So?

ME: I should have installed more insulation during the remodel. I can hear everything anyone does up there.

WALKER: She hot?

ME: None of your fucking business.

TUCKER: You’re toast.

By the time I pull back into my garage, I know what I need to do. I’ve been gone for a few hours, but since it’s one of Mrs. Billingsly’s days at the ranch, I know Clem is safe. Sometimes she invites my daughter to help her in the kitchen.