Page 9 of Big Trouble

ME: Dry humping? Please tell me it was dry humping!

WREN: Seriously, why are you like this?

Why am I like this? Because I feel like the oldest virgin alive. I know that’s not true because I’m not even that old. But still, I’ve been hanging on to this V-card like it’s something valuable, and I wish I’d just gotten it punched in college like most girls. Then it wouldn’t feel like such a big deal. But what can I say? I’m a straight girl in the field of education.

If I were a lesbian, losing my v-card under those circumstances would have been easy. But do you know how many straight dudes there are getting childhood education degrees?

Not. Many.

I don’t know why education departments haven’t started having mixers with engineering departments, but my point is this: college was a man drought for me. Ergo, dry humping=super hot.

WREN:

WREN: Yes, that’s totally what it was.

ME: That’s so hot. It’s the Big D Energy!

WREN: It’s not just energy.

ME: I knew it!

I didn’t actually know. I’ve never checked Liam out in that way. I mean, I objectively know he’s an attractive man. But the way he looks at my sister—the way he’s always looked at my sister—I knew he loved her. Me joking with her about his presumed big dick was just me being ridiculous.

Because the truth is, I’ve never even told my sister I’m still a virgin.

WREN: Okay, but from now on, you can’t be thinking about his Big D, energy, or otherwise. Because he’s my husband.

As if I would ever!

ME: Meow. Kitty has some claws, I see. Ready to admit that you still love him?

WREN: Yeah, you were right about that too.

WREN: He’s said some things too. These little comments.

WREN: I don’t know. I’m probably reading into things too much.

ME: Riding that orgasm high.

WREN: Something like that.

ME: What are the things he’s said that you’re overanalyzing?

WREN: That he’s going to claim me. All of me.

ME: Why is that caveman talk so damn hot?

WREN: Don’t know, but it totally is.

ME: What else?

WREN: That he’s waited for me.

WREN: That anything I need, I go to him. Anything.

WREN: Other things too, but now my brain isn’t working.

WREN: But do you know what he did?