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For my firefly, you're all the magic.

-Mireya Vitelli.

I smile at the message written down, and see the tape in the box. Do I want to do this ?

I hold it in my hands and tap against it with my fingers.

Hayzel told me to wait until I was ready to look at it. She watched it an insane amount of times. Every time she came here to visit us, she’d close the door and watch it.

She always cried at the end. But Damien told me one day that crying didn’t just mean sadness, it also meant loving someone so much that all you can do is cry from it. I believe him.

Blue jumps on my lap as the tape starts to play on the TV.

His eyes fixed on my sister’s face like he recognized her immediately.

“She’s beautiful, right, Blue?”

A soft meow leaves his lips and I take it as a yes.

Mireya

My sister fills the screen and her voice fills the room. She adjusts the camera, finding a good angle and then looks around wherever she is sitting.

“Hey, if you’re watching this, know that Hayzel has forced me.”

I smile because it’s funny to see her look so out of place and for her to blame Aunt Hayzel. A tear rolls down my face and I pet Blue soaking in his comfort, searching for her in this little animal who never stopped waiting for her to come back.

“Today is graduation day, and I don’t really know what to say if I’m being honest.” Her voice. I think I forgot it for a moment. “Hayzel is a pain in the ass when it comes to this. So I will talk about my favorite things until she thinks I stayed long enough in here.”

A laugh escapes me and I keep focusing on her.

“Pretty sure she has other footage like this. Sorry old Mireya if you’re watching this, each of them are pretty bad. But yeah. I came here almost a year ago now. And I still think it’s the only way I can get away from this island and make sure Milo gets a great life.”

I did…

“I remember being a big sister more than ever being a child and I don’t regret it. He’s the best brother anyone could wish to have. He’s still waiting outside right now for me to grab my diploma and probably scream my name,” she laughs, and her eyes softly saddens. “I hope you’re seeing this, old me. And if you are, just know I’m proud of you for surviving your own head. I know it’s not the best place to be in but remember how Milo counts on you every day. It was always us both against the world and I know you’ll keep your promise. Be the best big sister ever, okay? Don’t disappoint me.”

Tears fall down silently as I keep watching the other footage. She appears again, sitting on top of a rooftop and I crane my eyes to see exactly where she was. I recognize it.

It looks dark out and I watch as she steadies the camera on top of something. Her fingers go towards the object and she zooms it in.

“I stole Hayzel’s camera for this, so it better work,” she whispers, then the flash hits her and she smiles like she’s ready. “I don’t know how to start this. But I wanted to do this for when I have to explain why you’re not in the city you were born in next year. If you’re watching this firefly, I got accepted into St. Ellesta today, it’s such a bittersweet feeling because…well, for one it’s a prestigious institution that I had no idea I could ever be accepted into but second of all, holding this letter means that I have to attend the school in person. And the thought of being away from you… hurts.” I hear her voice crack. “I know I have to do this for you and for us. I just hope you don’t resent me for it. Everything I do is because of you. And no matter what, know that I have no regrets and I can’t wait to take you away from here. I love you always, I promise.”

Blue purrs increase as the clip shows Hayzel holding the camera as she and her arrive at the school. I know now that the only reason she attended was to give me a better life but, who knew it would become the ending of hers.

I feel my throat closing as the anger washes over me.

I wish she was still here. She should be. Living with Damien so he wouldn’t close himself up from the world like he’s doing now. Visiting the world with Hayzel who’s still feeling guilty for what happened. Hugging Edna who always leaves an empty chair for her.

And being with me, because I will forever need my sister.

The next clip shows her dorm. I watch Aunt Hayzel smile at the camera as she records Mireya on her bed. Blue is in too, he was so small back then. “Say hello to everyone, Rey!” Hayzel yells and my sister smiles, but her eyes never stop being sad. “Hi us from the future! Cut the camera now Hayz, Blue hates the sound it makes…” she adds before the screen goes blank.

There's a small montage of them walking through a hallway and into an auditorium and then the video cuts to her again in that classroom, from her graduation day.

“Milo, if you’re seeing this, you better not laugh at whatever your aunt did with this…” She looks straight at the camera next, and exhales. “This year has been so difficult, firefly,” She curves her hand around her neck and stretches, “I don't know, everyday I question myself as to why I'm even here. And the truth is, I meant it when I said that I want to give us a better life, I do, but ultimately it's for you. You see I never had the childhood that I fought so hard to give to you, I want to teach you that no matter how hard life is, you can do anything you put your mind to no matter how hard it is.”

Fuck, this hurts.