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“My only wish is that you're happy with whatever you decide to do. I hope that one day I'll be at your graduation ceremony cheering you on and being the loudest in the room. Then, I’ll make you watch this so you can laugh properly.”

The video cuts. Blue jumps on the TV stand, not understanding why she disappeared again. And I sit there in silence for a moment.

When I was a kid, she left me a shell jar and I put the star she made when we were younger there.

I get up, reach for it, and hold it in my hand.

“I finished high school this year, sissy,” I whisper, feeling a tear falling down my lips. “And I felt you. You promised to always be here and I know you’re still watching over us.”

I look at the way the shells and smile through the grief. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore. The people who loved you are still loving you through me, I promise.”

“I wish you know now, how much I miss you and that I never hated you for your decision,” I whisper as I stand up, still holding the star.

I turn it around, writing down: Big sis, I used your wish. Then open the window.

The star floats when I throw it in the wind.

Hopefully it’ll reach her.

We’re still making wishes for you.

Play - Cowpoke by Isaiah Sheffield

Damien and Kyle came tonight to congratulate me. Kyle is a good guy, he’s been here since we moved to Virginia. Apparently they’ve been friends for decades now.

The house has gone quiet again, half empty glasses on the tables, Edna’s cake she made earlier is still there too. She’s standing beside me at that moment on the front steps, one hand on my shoulder while my friends gather their coats and call their goodnights from the doorway.

She looks tired, but she’s smiling as always. “Have fun tonight,” she says. “And don’t stay out until morning.

I laugh and nod at her when she squeezes my shoulder.

“I’m proud of you, Milo.” Don’t cry. “And she would be too.”

A sad smile appears on my lips as she leaves and calls for Blue to follow her to her room and stay there for a second.

I know my sister is proud.

Some friends are waiting by the cars, trying to decide where we’re going tonight and I almost miss Damien standing across the driveway with Kyle on the phone inside.

I walk toward him as he stays beside his car alone.

“You leaving?”

He looks at me and something about how he looks makes me slow down. “Yeah buddy, I’m leaving tonight.”

“Where?”

His gaze shifts briefly toward the house then back at me, “I have somewhere to be for work.”

I stare at him, a cigarette between his hands, looking the same as he always does. Quieter and sadder than everyone around him.

He’s been there for everything. My first football game, sitting at the edge of the field with his arms folded while I kept looking over to see if he was watching. He taught me how to drive even if I wasn't good at it at the beginning. He was there for every birthday, every occasion he had to show me that a part of her was still living through him.

He never missed anything? Even when he was drowning in work.

Now that I look at him, I realize how he always looks at me a little sadly. I think I do the same to him.

I hesitate before speaking, “I’ll see you when you get back?”