Page 76

The Man to Be

ALEX

"So you're okay? You talked it out?"

Erin set a mug of tea in front of me and leaned against the counter. Through the kitchen window I could see Janine in the backyard with the kids. Hazel and Holly were building something out of a cardboard box while Jordan tried to climb inside it. Janine was holding a flap open and laughing.

"Yeah, we're good."

Erin watched me for a second. She picked up her own mug and let it go.

"You know, I don't say this enough, but I just wanted you to know I'm grateful to have you as a brother."

I put my mug down. "Where is this coming from?"

Erin shrugged. "Just wanted you to know that I know what it cost you, and I don't take that for granted."

I hadn't expected that from Erin and I didn't know I'd needed to hear it until she said it.

She leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms.

"Now. You do realize that if you'd come to my invitations sooner, your life would have changed sooner. I've been trying to drag you out of that firehouse for months and you kept telling me you were busy. I was right. I'm always right."

I laughed.

Through the window, Janine was crouched beside the box, helping Holly tape something to the side. Hazel was standing over both of them giving instructions. Jordan had gotten himself stuck inside and was yelling for someone to pull him out.

"So what's happening with the ex?" Erin asked. "Have they found him?"

"They're still looking. The warrant is active. Plainclothes are on Janine and Hazel whenever they're out. If he comes near them, he's arrested on sight."

"Good." She picked up her tea again but didn't drink. "Be careful out there. Both of you."

Janine and I tucked Hazel in together that night. She'd talked about the cardboard tower the whole way home, how tall they'd gotten it before Jordan knocked it over, how Holly wanted to paint it next time.

"She had a really great time building that thing," Janine said. She pulled Hazel's door halfway shut.

"She did."

We stood there for a second, the way we did most nights after Hazel fell asleep. The apartment quiet, the day finished, the two of us in the hallway between her room and ours.

I used to dread the quiet. After Cheryl left, the apartment was nothing but quiet, and every silent room was a room that reminded me I was alone in it. Now the quiet meant Hazel was asleep, Janine was beside me, and I didn't want to be anywhere else.

"Janine?"

"Hmm?"

"We talked about traveling. You and me, at the restaurant. And Hazel's been dropping pennies into her piggy bank every night." I looked at her. "Why don't we go next year? All three of us. Show her all the places we went when we were younger."

Janine looked up at me. The smile came slow, and it reached her eyes before it reached her mouth. "I'd love that."

I pulled her close and breathed her in.

A-shift had a new captain. Tanner made lieutenant after the department filled Abbott's slot, and the new captain ran a clean rotation without the gaps Tanner's crew had been covering for months. Shift changes were smoother. The radio was cleaner. Janine said the difference was immediate.

Abbott was in mandatory rehab outside the city. From what I heard, Linda still wanted Soren to have a relationship with his children once he was clean, and Soren was taking that seriously. It was more than my father ever did.

At the firehouse, I was halfway through the morning's paperwork when Sawyer walked in without knocking and dropped into the chair across from my desk.