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She snags her bottom lip between her teeth as she thinks that over. “Is it, um…is it okay if we don’t use one?”
I get the feeling that she’s not asking about birth control so much as she’s asking about my past and whether it’s safe for her to be with me. “If you’re asking what I think you are, I’m good. I’m obsessively careful about my health. But if you’re not asking that, and you’re just asking if I’d bareback you, fuck yes, I would.” Jesus, just the thought alone is enough to spark my cock back to life.
“Do you, uh—do that a lot?”
“Sex without a condom?” I clarify.
She nods.
I shake my head. “Once. I did it once, and she came back months later with a kid and said I was the father. My lawyer demanded a paternity test, and we found out it wasn’t mine. It was the first and last time I made that mistake.”
“Have you been with a lot of women?” she asks.
I press my lips together. “I’ve been with my fair share. I’ve gone through hard party phases, but I’ve also gone through calmer phases.”
“Am I just a phase?” Her voice is low and surprisingly vulnerable, and I want to make sure I answer that in a way that’s both respectful and truthful.
“We just met, but I already know that this is more than just a phase.” My eyes shift to her hair, and I take a few strands between my fingers and roll it around a little.
No feelings, I remind myself.
I think it might be way too late for that.
“How do you know?”
“We just agreed to spend the next year together,” I say, still playing with her hair and focusing my attention there. “I’ve never been with one woman that long.”
“I’ve never dated a guy more than two months,” she admits.
My eyes move to hers. “Two months?”
She nods. “And it was only that long because spring break was in there. We took separate trips, and I’m pretty sure he cheated on his boys’ trip to Cancun.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Sounds like a dick.”
“He was. Which is why I never slept with him.” Our eyes search each other’s for a few seconds, and then she says, “Do you think I should get on the pill?”
“I think you should do whatever you’re comfortable doing, but I do think you’ll be less worried if you’re protected your first time. Honestly I think we’ll both be less worried so we can just let go and enjoy each other.”
She nods. “I’ll talk to my doctor and look at my options. And I’ll do it fast, because I don’t want to wait.”
“You’ll be worth the wait. However long it is.”
“I’m nervous,” she whispers.
“About what?”
“You’re, like, this super hot and experienced older man, and I’m this young virgin. What if I suck in bed? Will you give me lessons?”
I fight the urge to chuckle. It’s not funny, but honestly, it’s sort of adorable. “You sucked my cock like a fuckin’ pro back there with zero instruction.”
Her eyes dart away from mine. “I’m still scared I’ll disappoint you the first time.”
“Hey,” I say softly, and her eyes return to mine. “You can’t. You won’t. I promise.”
“But, like, what do I do?”
I shrug a little. “You lay there and follow my lead.”