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“I cried once.” He fell silent. My brows knit together.
“You suffered so much, didn’t you? I wish I could’ve helped you more.”
“Shh,” He placed his thumb on my lips. “It’s not important anymore. As long as I have you, it’s not important.”
“No, Remi…” I began, but my voice dropped.
Please learn to live without me. Please don’t depend on me. Someone like me is no use to you.
My eyes welled up, and I hated myself for it. Acting so emotional was a weakness for me, especially in front of him. He can remain emotionless without effort. I want to be like him. When he rubbed my eyes, I pursed my lips.
“Why are you crying so much today? Did I say something wrong?”
“Yes! You did!” My response was quick. His voice was so warm I couldn’t take it anymore. “You’re too much, Remi. Too sweet, too perfect. I don’t deserve you.”
“What?” I was startled by the clear shock in his voice. “What did you say?”
“I don’t deserve…”
“Mina.” He kissed my forehead, his lips so soft and sincere they almost silenced all the voices in my head.
Almost.
“I thought the same thing today. That… I don’t deserve you.”
“Really?”
“Really. I kept thinking what should I do to deserve you.”
I sniffed, then let out a tiny laugh. So that was it? Remi also thought like this?
How?
“How can we learn to stop thinking about these things? I want to stop the voices in my head.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll overcome this. There’s nothing we can’t overcome together.” He leaned in and brushed his nose against mine, gently nuzzling me with a smile. “So when you overthink about weird things, just tell me. We can talk them out before they grow in your head.”
I kissed the tip of his nose, and his smile grew. “Then you have to tell me, too.”
Seeing his expression darken slightly, my face fell.
“Is that hard to tell me?”
“I just don’t want to bother you.”
“Then I won’t tell you either.”
“It’s not the same thing, Mina.”
“It’s exactly the same thing. If you don’t tell me what’s on your mind, I won’t tell you either. I’ll keep everything inside. I’ll keep it inside so much that I’ll end up leaving you.”
I’ve already started making plans to leave you.
Now his lips were in a straight line, so I stopped smiling too.
“You’ll leave me?”
His voice was neither angry nor mocking. I had never heard his voice sound so ominous before. It was dark, eerily calm, very sharp, and assertive. For the first time, I felt in danger next to him. My hair stood on end. I lost all my courage and only nodded.