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“We’re not starting there. I don’t want the apology again. I’ve heard it.” He leaned forward, eyes searing into mine. “You want to talk. You can start by telling me why.”

I stared at him, not sure how to answer.

His voice cracked with anger. “Why did you fuck my best friend, Talia? I need to know why.”

I closed my eyes.

“No,” he said. “You don’t get to do that either. Look at me. You wanted to talk. Let’s do it. But you’re gonna say every word right to my face.”

I swallowed. “Okay.”

He was hurting. He was angry. And I knew him well enough to know one was covering for the other.

“Was I not enough for you?” he asked. “Is that it? Did I not touch you right? Did he give you things I didn’t?”

“Calder, no.”

“No doesn’t answer the question.”

“It wasn’t because you were deficient.”

“Deficient.” He laughed almost maniacally. “Jesus. That’s a great fucking word to use. Very comforting.”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, actually, I don’t.”

I looked down to gather my thoughts before returning to meet his eyes. “It wasn’t about you not being enough. It was about me feeling…” I stopped, trying to find the right words. “Lost,” I finally said.

“Lost? I was right here next to you. How could you be lost? You didn’t even try to talk to me.”

“Maybe lost isn’t the right word.”

“Then what is, Talia?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Lonely, maybe?”

Calder rubbed both hands over his face, then stared up at the ceiling for a long time. “Are you in love with him?”

How could I answer that question? If I loved Calder, how could I have hurt him? If what I felt for Rafe wasn’t love, why did losing him feel like a second heartbreak?

But Calder sat across from me with his broken heart in his hands, asking a question that could either destroy him or let him breathe. So I shook my head. “No.”

The lie—or maybe it wasn’t a lie. God, I truly didn’t know—left my mouth quietly.

Something eased in his face. Just a fraction. But I saw it. And I hated myself for giving him relief I wasn’t sure I had the right to give.

Calder nodded, but his jaw remained tight. “Okay.”

I wiped my palms on my jeans. “Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

He stared at the table for so long, I didn’t think he was going to answer. Then he shook his head. “I don’t know.”

The honesty hurt, but I deserved way worse. “Do you want me to leave?”

Calder’s eyes came back to meet mine. “I’m so angry at you.”

“I know.”