Page 94

“I want to hate you.”

My eyes filled with tears.

“But I don’t.” He swallowed. “That’s the worst fucking part. I want to hate you, but I can’t. Because all I really want is for you to be happy. That’s how much I fucking love you.”

Tears streamed down my face.

He shook his head and looked away. “So if leaving is what you want, then leave.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“It’s the only answer I have.” He pushed his chair back and stood. “I don’t know what else to do with you.”

He turned and walked toward the bedroom. At the doorway, he stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Talia?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m terrified that I’ll never feel safe with you again.”

My heart cracked straight down the center.

Then his voice got quieter. “But I’m more terrified that I still want to try.”

CHAPTER 26

Calder came home sooner the following night, and rather than avoiding me like usual, he found me in the bedroom. He loosened his tie and wiped sweat from his forehead. Seemed like something had happened today. Either that, or he’d finally come to his senses and decided to break up with me.

I let out a shaky breath. “What’s going on?”

He exhaled. “Looks like I’m going to London.”

My heart plunged to my stomach. “You got the position?”

He shook his head. “I need some water.” He turned and headed for the kitchen.

I followed him over to the fridge. After he’d poured himself a glass, he looked at me. “I don’t know if I got the position yet, but I found out today that I’m on the shortlist.”

“Really…” After so long in limbo about this job, I didn’t know how to feel. Things kept changing. Was this good or bad news?

“They want me to go out there for a couple of weeks as a dry run,” he explained. “The big boss of the UK division will ultimately decide who gets the job. He wants to get to know me better.” He sighed. “I realize this isn’t a great time to fly the coop, given everything that’s happened with us.”

I needed to be positive. We couldn’t afford any more negativity. Calder deserved encouragement, even if it meant me putting aside my personal feelings and fears.

“Well, that’s fantastic, Calder.” I forced a smile. “Do you think I should request to work remotely so I can join you over there?”

Calder took another long sip of water and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He shook his head. “No, actually. I don’t think you should come.”

I swallowed. “Okay.”

This is it. This is where he breaks up with me. Why am I cheering him on, urging him silently to make it hurt?

“I think the time away from each other will be good,” he said. “It’s the perfect opportunity for you to get a feel for life without me.”

So he was preparing me for the end? I was a bit confused. If he wanted to work on our relationship, I didn’t see how separation at such a vulnerable time could possibly be a good thing. But I needed to go along with whatever felt comfortable to him. I had no right to dictate anything at the moment.

“Well, I’m not going to push if you think it’s best that we have some space between us for a couple of weeks.”

“Space isn’t the only reason I think it’s best.” He leaned against the kitchen counter and looked down. “My head isn’t fully on straight around you. I think having you there, a constant reminder of what happened, would mess with my performance.”