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She was quiet as they took several more steps.

“And you were willing with me? To be tied to me forever as you put it?”

“I was. I wasn’t just willing. I was ready.” He sighed, knowing he was screwing this up, but not knowing what else to do but to just lay it all out there. “I don’t know how else to say it. I’m just going to lay it out there and hope I don’t scare you off.” He paused, swallowed, and pushed on. “I won’t push you into anything. I’ll support you with anything you decide to do, but I want this. I want you to move onto the compound permanently, whether this house or another. I’d build you anything you want. I want you. I want you forever. I want this baby. I want it all.”

When he finished speaking, he found the urge to hold his breath as he waited for her to say something. Anything.

Still walking side by side, her hand in his, she took a deep breath and blew it out in a rush.

“You’re right. We need to put it out there. We need to be able to tell each other what we want, what’s working and what isn’t. So I guess it’s my turn.” She fell silent and he got the feeling she was trying to put her thoughts in order, so he stayed quiet, patient.

“I think I’ll start with what I know I want, then I’ll go to what I’m not sure about, does that work?”

“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”

“I want the baby. I want to try with you. I like the idea of forever with you. I’m not sure about making that commitment yet. I’m leery about making staying here permanent. It’s nothing about you, but I’m worried about everyone else. I’m worried about whether or not my clients needing me at all hours will disturb people. Or if someone won’t let me out when I need to go out? I just don’t know.”

Cypher watched her out of the corner of his eye but didn’t say anything or look at her directly. He didn’t want her to feel like she was in a spotlight, even if it was just him.

“Can I make a suggestion?” he said after a moment.

“Sure.” She swung their joined hands back and forth as they walked.

“We’ve already determined it would be best if you stay here a while. Did I tell you we traced that boat back to the judge in the case against Lacey’s teacher? I’d like if you at least committed to stay until that trial is over. We can use that time as a trial. See how things go, and how you like the place.”

Lauren was quite long enough that he wasn’t sure if he’d upset her or if she was actually considering it.

“You’re sure?”

“The name of the boat was In Chambers. Mud tracked the registration to one Robert H. Mercer, with the address being the same as what’s on Judge Mercer’s driver’s license.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if she was having a hard time processing the news. Or maybe she was upset by that, he wasn’t sure and he wasn’t ready to ask.

“I hate that. I hate that he’s involved. I hate that someone involved in a case like this is in that kind of position of power. I hate that the system is so corrupt. How can we ever hope to have a better world for our kids if the people who run the system are horrible people?”

“All we can do is our best. You’ve seen enough of what the Warriors do to know that we’re not entirely on the right side of the law. But we have a strict idea of what’s right and wrong. We fight for what we know is right, even if it’s not entirely on the right side of the law. I don’t know if that’s something you can live with.”

They walked through the woods to the shore of Big Creek Lake, then along the shore for a few minutes with neither of them talking. Cypher liked the time with her, and he couldn’t help but noticed that they didn’t have to talk. He liked just being with her, just being. Not doing anything, not talking, but existing in the same space. He wanted to ask if she felt the same way but didn’t want to spoil the moment.

“I think I can. Between the time I’ve been seeing Lacey and the time I’ve spent with you, I know the Warriors are good people. At least the ones I know. And I can’t imagine that any of you would let anyone who wasn’t a decent person stay.”

“Not for long we wouldn’t,” Cypher said, “though most of our prospects are recommended or maybe sponsored is a better term, by someone who’s already one of us, so it doesn’t happen often I think it’s been six or eight years since we decided that someone just didn’t fit among us.” He didn’t tell her what had gone down with that situation or what they’d done with Jackel when they discovered he’d been blackmailing one of the Savage Angels into a sexual relationship. They’d done some asking around and found this wasn’t the first time either. None of the Warriors were willing to risk it happening again, and they’d taken care of the issue. Cypher wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, as in the details but Jackel had become gator bait.

“Do I want to ask the details?” He saw her glance at him out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m going to say probably not. If you want to know, I’ll tell you what I know, I’ll even tell you what I suspect. I won’t lie to you, Lauren, but be sure it’s something you want to know.” He didn’t hide that he was watching her now.

As long as it was only to himself, Cypher could admit that he had a hard time not watching her. He wasn’t sure why, but something about her, about how comfortable she was with herself, with how at ease she appeared with the world, he wasn’t sure what else, but he loved watching her, especially when she wasn’t aware and was just going about her life. She calmed something in him, and he didn’t want it to stop, ever.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Lauren bit her lip as the question that had been haunting her since the first time Cypher had spoken to her circled her mind, yet again. She needed this settled. And sooner rather than later with everything going on and the decisions that needed to be made.

She turned and looked out over the water as she spoke. “Does the age difference bother you?”

“What do you mean?” he sounded so gruff, yet confused that she turned to look at him, she needed to see if he was messing with her or if he really didn’t know what she meant.

“I’m older than you are. You know that, right?”